Arite so I gotta start this post off on a sad note.
Back in Nov my good friend Micki came back from Cali unexpectedly. I was stoked to have her back but she was all depressed and I played it off as she was just being silly. Well a little shout out to StarGazr on this post too..
Last week Micki and I went out for a drink, random but she wanted to talk. Anyways the whole night she was talking about what went wrong in Cali and I could tell she wanted to say something else but she wouldn't. However I was pretty sure I knew what happened.. I kept saying baby and she would just look at me funny and then keep talking. Well as we were leaving we got in her car and she just turns to me and says "I had an abortion" and starts balling. I instantly started crying and I sobbed "me too" we embraced each other and just balled together for like 5 minutes. And then we told each other our stories. I never felt so close to anyone of my friends. I hated how we both wished we had the baby if it wasn't for fear for the respect of our parents. Stupid.. anyways for all those of you who have had one. I feel for you. I will never forget it or let it go, I continue to mourn on the day it took place and will never live or die and forget it. Whether in this life or the next. I will always remember. Always regret.
On a funnier note... Neighbour boy continues to be out on the porch nearly everytime I go out. I went out on the weekend to go shopping and he asked what I was doing, and I told him. Then I forgot my walet and had to come back. And he just laughed and was like that was quick. I sware he thinks I'm such a dumb blonde. Ive had a stupid conversation with him, fallen down my front porch steps infront of him, slipped on my driveway, got my car stuck, and now forgotten my walet. twice. but he didnt ask me about it the second time. he just smiled. that gorgeous smile. yummmy.
Anyways it sure is keeping my life interested and so is another interesting twist. MailBoy. I was out walking the dog and I was almost home when the dog went crazy and ran away from me. He ran up wo the mail man... but as I got closer he was a boy, well he looked about 25 and gorgeous! I caught the dog and was just like hi and all giggles. He smiled at me and said hey, I apologied about the dog and then hurried in the house knowing I was a fright to look at. But its nice to know that we didnt just move to a borring neighbourhood. Looking forward to exciting and naughty things in the new year!!
Heres to the guys we love
and Heres to the guys who love us
And if the guys we love don't love us
then screw the guys and heres to us!
Happy New Years Girls!!!
Ps. I facebooked my friends (from the baptism) brother Austin, and told him he looked gorgeous at the baptism.. I was just being nice but maybe asking for trouble... oh well trouble will him would deff be worth writing about...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
20T: Finally! I played it right!
So very interested weekend...
Saturday, I was looking forward to all week, we were going to a baptism and I just knew Chad was going to be there, and since I hadn't seen him since around the time of my wedding, I was Uber excitied! So Sat I went and got my nails done, tanning, hair highlighted and cut, got a blow out and a new outfit. I wanted to look smoking hot (yes even at a baptism), but play it cool. I didnt know if I could though. I was really worried that once I seen him I would totally colapse with emotion remebering everything that was before and just melt. Anyways so we were pretty late to the baptism and sat in the back. Without my hubby noticing my eyes were searching the room intensely trying to find Chad. Then I spotted him! but no butterflies, or feelings came rushing at me. Definitely nerves though. I felt really nervous and I started to shake a bit. So as soon as the baptism was over I went to beeline it for my friend who got baptised. That way I would have to walk up to the front of the room before anyone stood up and forsure he would notice me, and hopeully stare at me and think "damn" LOL. Then I figured I would go say hello and try not to over talk and play it cool and whatever...
Well this turned out a lot better then expected.
As I went to beeline it for the front of the room about 4 people had stopped me (grabed me!) on the way up so give me big hugs and fuss over my hair and how good i looked! (since I lost 50 pds since Ive seen all these people) just the look in everyones face said it all. I got so many jelous looks too.
anyways I gave my friend a big hug and her mom and dad jumped up and gave me a huge hug (they love me, wanted me to marry their son, whos also hott) and I was totolly loven the positive attention!
then I seen their son, Austin go out to the back of the room. I went out there to say hello, totally passing Chad without noticing him, or letting him know I noticed him. But when I got out to the foyer I was grabed again by a few people. I was excitingly talking to one person, when Chad came up to me and pulled me away from the conver and was like hey!! and gave me a huge hug. I was like "hey! what are you doing here?" (he never comes out to church things, even tho I knew he'd be at this one since hes Austins bestfriend, and it was his siser who got baptized!)
He started talking to me, and I was like have you seen Austin and hes like oh, yea hes right there, and Austin came over and gave me a huge hug and was like you look awesome. I was totally loving it! anyways then Chad was like I'm busting out, and I, interested was like ok have a good one eh, and he gave me this like look, like he couldnt believe I wasnt gonna try to talk to him, and hes like yea (surpised look), say hello to the hubby, I was like I might not, and gave him a wink. And he laughed and was like yea maybe not.
Then I turned around and walked away.
Best it coulda went!! I felt I totally played it cool and I looked amazing and I felt for once, I am no longer intereted in him, but hes deff regretting a few things!
So Very good weekend! And deff, can now cross Chad off my list!
ooh and Friday we had a snow storm, and my car got stuck infront of the house, well i wasn't stuck more then 15 seconds and cute neighbour boy came out and was like are you stuck let me help you..
he helped me shovel out the car, and my driveway and chatted me up the whole time... very hott too. looking forward to the short shorts in the summer!
Hope you all had a good weekend!
Saturday, I was looking forward to all week, we were going to a baptism and I just knew Chad was going to be there, and since I hadn't seen him since around the time of my wedding, I was Uber excitied! So Sat I went and got my nails done, tanning, hair highlighted and cut, got a blow out and a new outfit. I wanted to look smoking hot (yes even at a baptism), but play it cool. I didnt know if I could though. I was really worried that once I seen him I would totally colapse with emotion remebering everything that was before and just melt. Anyways so we were pretty late to the baptism and sat in the back. Without my hubby noticing my eyes were searching the room intensely trying to find Chad. Then I spotted him! but no butterflies, or feelings came rushing at me. Definitely nerves though. I felt really nervous and I started to shake a bit. So as soon as the baptism was over I went to beeline it for my friend who got baptised. That way I would have to walk up to the front of the room before anyone stood up and forsure he would notice me, and hopeully stare at me and think "damn" LOL. Then I figured I would go say hello and try not to over talk and play it cool and whatever...
Well this turned out a lot better then expected.
As I went to beeline it for the front of the room about 4 people had stopped me (grabed me!) on the way up so give me big hugs and fuss over my hair and how good i looked! (since I lost 50 pds since Ive seen all these people) just the look in everyones face said it all. I got so many jelous looks too.
anyways I gave my friend a big hug and her mom and dad jumped up and gave me a huge hug (they love me, wanted me to marry their son, whos also hott) and I was totolly loven the positive attention!
then I seen their son, Austin go out to the back of the room. I went out there to say hello, totally passing Chad without noticing him, or letting him know I noticed him. But when I got out to the foyer I was grabed again by a few people. I was excitingly talking to one person, when Chad came up to me and pulled me away from the conver and was like hey!! and gave me a huge hug. I was like "hey! what are you doing here?" (he never comes out to church things, even tho I knew he'd be at this one since hes Austins bestfriend, and it was his siser who got baptized!)
He started talking to me, and I was like have you seen Austin and hes like oh, yea hes right there, and Austin came over and gave me a huge hug and was like you look awesome. I was totally loving it! anyways then Chad was like I'm busting out, and I, interested was like ok have a good one eh, and he gave me this like look, like he couldnt believe I wasnt gonna try to talk to him, and hes like yea (surpised look), say hello to the hubby, I was like I might not, and gave him a wink. And he laughed and was like yea maybe not.
Then I turned around and walked away.
Best it coulda went!! I felt I totally played it cool and I looked amazing and I felt for once, I am no longer intereted in him, but hes deff regretting a few things!
So Very good weekend! And deff, can now cross Chad off my list!
ooh and Friday we had a snow storm, and my car got stuck infront of the house, well i wasn't stuck more then 15 seconds and cute neighbour boy came out and was like are you stuck let me help you..
he helped me shovel out the car, and my driveway and chatted me up the whole time... very hott too. looking forward to the short shorts in the summer!
Hope you all had a good weekend!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
20T: The next door neightbour
So yesturday my friend Micky came over, she picked me up from work and we had planned to play guitar hero...
Well as soon as I walked in the door, not 10 minutes had gone by when hubby was already bitching about the mess, the dishes, how much of a slob I am blah blah blah.
First off: Cant you piss off? I have my friend over, Dont bitch at me! jeeze!
Second: Can I walk in the door and sit down for a second? I just got off work..
Third: ok our house is as neat as a pin. beside the off sock that our dog grabs and pulls into the other room, our house is spotless! seriously I wish you could see it, then you would know how redic he is being
Fourth: Back to being hubby, that didn't take long eh girls? What 2 days and he was nasty again. Dont get me wrong of course I love him, but hes just not very nice, hes mean to me, and I dont know what else I can do to point it out to him!
Arite so thats my gripe.. moving on
So Micky and I hung out for the evening, we made tacos for dinner, walked the dog, watched some CSI, and called actor friend!! it was such a great conver! He just had some big audition for a movie so we called to see how it went. And he talked to us for like 20 minutes and it was a lot of fun. Deff the highlight of my night! we were being such high school girls on the phone too, ohhs and awws and yea.. but it just felt good to hear his voice. Is that lame? I've missed him..
So anyways this morning when I left for work, I tripped down the stairs only to see this SUPER HOTT GUY at the house next door to me shoveling the driveway! He smiled at me, stiffed a laughand said "hello". Well stupid me said" hello" but I also said "did you come by just to shovel the driveway? that was nice!" I thought he didnt live at home.. but he must have an older brother or something.. anyways he gave me a funny look and was like "well I sorta have to.." anyways I went to my car and noticed that my sidewalk was shoveled. Well stupid me again goes over to him and was like "Did you shovel my sidewalk?" hes looking at me funny and was like "no". Embarrased I was like "oh, well I was gonna say thanks to you but I guess my hubby did it! I didnt know he got up that early. I guess I better tell him thanks! Have a good day!" He said "bye".
But could I have talked anymore? I kept telling myself to shut up and he deff thinks Im a creeper and I bet hes totally regretting saying hello in the first place, and I told him I was married.. so that puts a damper on this whole thing..
I know, for lack of a better phrase, I cant "keep my dick in my pants" LOL always thinking about boys
Anyways when I drove off he waved goodbye.. so maybe he didnt read into it all...oh well I may get my adventure yet...
Well as soon as I walked in the door, not 10 minutes had gone by when hubby was already bitching about the mess, the dishes, how much of a slob I am blah blah blah.
First off: Cant you piss off? I have my friend over, Dont bitch at me! jeeze!
Second: Can I walk in the door and sit down for a second? I just got off work..
Third: ok our house is as neat as a pin. beside the off sock that our dog grabs and pulls into the other room, our house is spotless! seriously I wish you could see it, then you would know how redic he is being
Fourth: Back to being hubby, that didn't take long eh girls? What 2 days and he was nasty again. Dont get me wrong of course I love him, but hes just not very nice, hes mean to me, and I dont know what else I can do to point it out to him!
Arite so thats my gripe.. moving on
So Micky and I hung out for the evening, we made tacos for dinner, walked the dog, watched some CSI, and called actor friend!! it was such a great conver! He just had some big audition for a movie so we called to see how it went. And he talked to us for like 20 minutes and it was a lot of fun. Deff the highlight of my night! we were being such high school girls on the phone too, ohhs and awws and yea.. but it just felt good to hear his voice. Is that lame? I've missed him..
So anyways this morning when I left for work, I tripped down the stairs only to see this SUPER HOTT GUY at the house next door to me shoveling the driveway! He smiled at me, stiffed a laughand said "hello". Well stupid me said" hello" but I also said "did you come by just to shovel the driveway? that was nice!" I thought he didnt live at home.. but he must have an older brother or something.. anyways he gave me a funny look and was like "well I sorta have to.." anyways I went to my car and noticed that my sidewalk was shoveled. Well stupid me again goes over to him and was like "Did you shovel my sidewalk?" hes looking at me funny and was like "no". Embarrased I was like "oh, well I was gonna say thanks to you but I guess my hubby did it! I didnt know he got up that early. I guess I better tell him thanks! Have a good day!" He said "bye".
But could I have talked anymore? I kept telling myself to shut up and he deff thinks Im a creeper and I bet hes totally regretting saying hello in the first place, and I told him I was married.. so that puts a damper on this whole thing..
I know, for lack of a better phrase, I cant "keep my dick in my pants" LOL always thinking about boys
Anyways when I drove off he waved goodbye.. so maybe he didnt read into it all...oh well I may get my adventure yet...
20T: It's not enough
This post didn't post on Monday... so I am posting it again!
So hubby and I had a heart to heart Sunday night. After he was being a jerk again all weekend as I was still feeling overly stressed.. and I had had it with his nonsympathetic, yelling, mean attitude. So anyways I told him that it really hurt me, and I was second guessing marrying him because I dont think he takes care of me, and that I am scared to have kids with him because I don't see or feel the honest love anymore, and I was explaining how hes always angry and yelling at me and that I feel like I am walking on egg shells all the time. Anyways he started crying and apologized profusly and said he never wanted to lose me, I remained a little hard, not willing to give in to it. I've heard his apologies before. It was actions I wanted.
Well he was very sweet to me for the rest of the night and yesturday (Sunday). He went to bed with me, did the dishes, and came with me when taking the dog out. Tonight (Monday) I came home and he had a little candlelight dinner made for the two of us. I was/am deff very shocked by all of this. I mean truthfully that is the guy I feel in love with. We are an amazing team and a great couple.
Yet it's not enough
I find my mind wandering like crazy lately.. wanting that adventure that new love brings. I know I should be satisfied with my perfect hubby, my perfect house, job, dog, but its not enough. Am I crazy? Of course I dont want to screw it all up but I cant help feeling empty.
My life has always been so predictable. I need something. I mean why does that something even have to be a guy? but of course it does.. as u know thats just how I operate... I will be seeing Chad this weekend and my mind is whirling... but why do I want to start up something again with him? I know where that leads, to a very dark place...
I've been reading the book series Twilight, and I am so jelous of bella. I want a guy that holds me like that, who looks intently at me, who stirs up something in me..
I know Im married. Thats the sad part. Its like my life is over. now all I have is death. I've kissed childood goodbye... my teenage years are long gone
It's funny, I went for a walk on the weekend, to explore my new neightbourhood and we have all these walking trails at the end of the street. I chose one and I just thought of how exciting this is, to be living in a new place, a new neighbourhood.. yet I don't feel an adventure...
You wait your whole childhood for love, for your wedding day.. but once it's over I dono what do you look forward to next? kids? not interested yet.. I am still too young and my mind is to over the place.... I guess I'm feeling lost.
So hubby and I had a heart to heart Sunday night. After he was being a jerk again all weekend as I was still feeling overly stressed.. and I had had it with his nonsympathetic, yelling, mean attitude. So anyways I told him that it really hurt me, and I was second guessing marrying him because I dont think he takes care of me, and that I am scared to have kids with him because I don't see or feel the honest love anymore, and I was explaining how hes always angry and yelling at me and that I feel like I am walking on egg shells all the time. Anyways he started crying and apologized profusly and said he never wanted to lose me, I remained a little hard, not willing to give in to it. I've heard his apologies before. It was actions I wanted.
Well he was very sweet to me for the rest of the night and yesturday (Sunday). He went to bed with me, did the dishes, and came with me when taking the dog out. Tonight (Monday) I came home and he had a little candlelight dinner made for the two of us. I was/am deff very shocked by all of this. I mean truthfully that is the guy I feel in love with. We are an amazing team and a great couple.
Yet it's not enough
I find my mind wandering like crazy lately.. wanting that adventure that new love brings. I know I should be satisfied with my perfect hubby, my perfect house, job, dog, but its not enough. Am I crazy? Of course I dont want to screw it all up but I cant help feeling empty.
My life has always been so predictable. I need something. I mean why does that something even have to be a guy? but of course it does.. as u know thats just how I operate... I will be seeing Chad this weekend and my mind is whirling... but why do I want to start up something again with him? I know where that leads, to a very dark place...
I've been reading the book series Twilight, and I am so jelous of bella. I want a guy that holds me like that, who looks intently at me, who stirs up something in me..
I know Im married. Thats the sad part. Its like my life is over. now all I have is death. I've kissed childood goodbye... my teenage years are long gone
It's funny, I went for a walk on the weekend, to explore my new neightbourhood and we have all these walking trails at the end of the street. I chose one and I just thought of how exciting this is, to be living in a new place, a new neighbourhood.. yet I don't feel an adventure...
You wait your whole childhood for love, for your wedding day.. but once it's over I dono what do you look forward to next? kids? not interested yet.. I am still too young and my mind is to over the place.... I guess I'm feeling lost.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
20T: Birthday Pains
So it was my birthday on Thursday, 23! Wow I feel so old and mentally I still feel like I'm 17 so new in the world...
Anyways so I was really sick on my birthday, and I had to get medication from the docs, which I started on Wed... so things were going ok, I still didn't feel that good on Friday, actually I had begun to feel cloudy and almost like I was high... by Friday night it had gotton a lot worse but I assumed it was just my meds. So I took my meds right before I went to sleep on Friday night hoping that the meds would wear off by Sat morning as I had adams work brunch to go too and sat night was our big open house.
Well I was right about one thing.. it was the meds... I woke up extremely high and out of it.. hubby calmed me down and got me to go back to sleep. But when I woke up in the morning no affects had left me.. it was much worse. I was still high, dilusional, hullcinating, and shaking. I felt like my brain was bleeding and tingaly all over. I was panicing and that sure as hell didnt help. I told all this to hubby and he told me to have a shower and get ready for his work party. I did but the feelings wernt going away. He said I would feel better once we were on the road.. gullible I got into the car with him and prepared for the hour and a hlaf drive to the place for brunch. 15 minutes into the ride I was in hysterics. I was so scared and creaped out and felt so weird! I thought I was dyiing. I wanted to go home but hubby wouldnt take me. He told me to shut up and relax. I was so upset but so out of it and scared I didnt want to be alone.. anyways I freaked out for the entire trip I tried to stay calm but couldnt. when we go there I went right up to the bar and started drinking. I had drank 5 bottled of water in 10 minutes, trying to get whatever was in my system out.. i asked adam to leave and he wouldnt... it was so horrible. I never hated him so much.. anyways all in all it was ok. talking to people took my mind off my high and drinking water was helping me pee it out but I didnt feel right.. we went home after about 2.5 hours and the ride home was a bit better... I went to lay down when we got home but I kept getting the brain bleed feeling and being all naucous and shaki... people started arriving for my birthday and I was a wreck, and tryig to push back the tears... hubby kept yelling at me to grow up and snap outta it.. i couldnt... anyways when my bestfriend arrived she got on the phone and called the pharmacist.. after about 10 minutes she came over to me and said I was having severe side affects from the meds.. I was having hallunincations and a nervous system breakdown.. I had to eat, drink, and stay warm.. So basically the rest of the night everyone took turns taking care of me. at one point my best friend wanted to drag me to the hospital. and hubby flipped out in front of everyone that I was over reacting and that I was fine.. even tho I was shaking.. he looked like such an asshole... so Joe and Abby (my best friend) took me to the bed room and put me to bed and were sitting with me, and trying to calm me down and make me eat.. actor friend came and visited me a few times, hes had an overdose before and was pretty worried.. he kept bringing me a heating pad and watching the size of my pupils... anyways so I finally got to sleep, Sunday was much better and by Monday morning I was pretty much back to normal... but what a crazy weekend. So here we are on Wednesday and I dont feel right about teh way my hubby treated me.. I'm still pretty upset and scared about it. like how he could be so cold and cruel when I needed him.. anyways so thats that. but our relationship is deff back to rockly ground.
in other news..
when we were packing Joe asked me what happened on the night of the accident, aka what was i doing with actor-friend that night... luckily hubby walked into the room right then and Joe said nevermind.. he knows something was up.. but had the respect to drop it, although I dont think this is the last of this conversation..
also Chad msg me on facebook.. wished me a happy birthday, asked me what was going on, how I was doing... I wrote him back today (a lil over a week later) turns out he will be playing hockey the same place as my hubby on sat nights... we'll see how this goes..
Anyways sorry for all the posts and rambling! Just wanted to update you all! Hope you're all doing well!
Anyways so I was really sick on my birthday, and I had to get medication from the docs, which I started on Wed... so things were going ok, I still didn't feel that good on Friday, actually I had begun to feel cloudy and almost like I was high... by Friday night it had gotton a lot worse but I assumed it was just my meds. So I took my meds right before I went to sleep on Friday night hoping that the meds would wear off by Sat morning as I had adams work brunch to go too and sat night was our big open house.
Well I was right about one thing.. it was the meds... I woke up extremely high and out of it.. hubby calmed me down and got me to go back to sleep. But when I woke up in the morning no affects had left me.. it was much worse. I was still high, dilusional, hullcinating, and shaking. I felt like my brain was bleeding and tingaly all over. I was panicing and that sure as hell didnt help. I told all this to hubby and he told me to have a shower and get ready for his work party. I did but the feelings wernt going away. He said I would feel better once we were on the road.. gullible I got into the car with him and prepared for the hour and a hlaf drive to the place for brunch. 15 minutes into the ride I was in hysterics. I was so scared and creaped out and felt so weird! I thought I was dyiing. I wanted to go home but hubby wouldnt take me. He told me to shut up and relax. I was so upset but so out of it and scared I didnt want to be alone.. anyways I freaked out for the entire trip I tried to stay calm but couldnt. when we go there I went right up to the bar and started drinking. I had drank 5 bottled of water in 10 minutes, trying to get whatever was in my system out.. i asked adam to leave and he wouldnt... it was so horrible. I never hated him so much.. anyways all in all it was ok. talking to people took my mind off my high and drinking water was helping me pee it out but I didnt feel right.. we went home after about 2.5 hours and the ride home was a bit better... I went to lay down when we got home but I kept getting the brain bleed feeling and being all naucous and shaki... people started arriving for my birthday and I was a wreck, and tryig to push back the tears... hubby kept yelling at me to grow up and snap outta it.. i couldnt... anyways when my bestfriend arrived she got on the phone and called the pharmacist.. after about 10 minutes she came over to me and said I was having severe side affects from the meds.. I was having hallunincations and a nervous system breakdown.. I had to eat, drink, and stay warm.. So basically the rest of the night everyone took turns taking care of me. at one point my best friend wanted to drag me to the hospital. and hubby flipped out in front of everyone that I was over reacting and that I was fine.. even tho I was shaking.. he looked like such an asshole... so Joe and Abby (my best friend) took me to the bed room and put me to bed and were sitting with me, and trying to calm me down and make me eat.. actor friend came and visited me a few times, hes had an overdose before and was pretty worried.. he kept bringing me a heating pad and watching the size of my pupils... anyways so I finally got to sleep, Sunday was much better and by Monday morning I was pretty much back to normal... but what a crazy weekend. So here we are on Wednesday and I dont feel right about teh way my hubby treated me.. I'm still pretty upset and scared about it. like how he could be so cold and cruel when I needed him.. anyways so thats that. but our relationship is deff back to rockly ground.
in other news..
when we were packing Joe asked me what happened on the night of the accident, aka what was i doing with actor-friend that night... luckily hubby walked into the room right then and Joe said nevermind.. he knows something was up.. but had the respect to drop it, although I dont think this is the last of this conversation..
also Chad msg me on facebook.. wished me a happy birthday, asked me what was going on, how I was doing... I wrote him back today (a lil over a week later) turns out he will be playing hockey the same place as my hubby on sat nights... we'll see how this goes..
Anyways sorry for all the posts and rambling! Just wanted to update you all! Hope you're all doing well!
20T: Moving Day
So it was the day of our big move and all the guys showed up to help and my mom. Micki ditched.. I was kinda pissed but whatever... the day went by pretty good I wasnt much help but the guys did like everything. But they were all flirting with me... Ken kept putting his arm around me and making jokes with me, actor friend kept giving me the eyes, and then Parker (hubbys older friend 32 ) kept trying to hit me with a hockey stick. I ended up shoving me and he grabed me and picked me up in front of all the guys and made quite the spectacle.. guys are so redic.. but i was loven the attention.. although Ken kept telling me that he knew what was going on and stuff.. i didnt know what that meant.. I thought maybe actor-friend has said something to him so I was kinda nervous..
anyways so we finally got the keys to the house and moved in and the guys stuck around to unpack us and put together our IKEA furniture... Ken left at this point and I gave him a big hug and he made me walk him out the door and was like were gotta sleep together right? and at first it took me a moment to realize wat he said, but when I did I smacked him and he started laughing, winked at me and then got in his car and drove off.... I mean sure funny, but turst me there is truth to what he said.. i cant believe these guys, I sware i must have a sign on me that says PLEASE FLIRT WITH ME: DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION
anyways when I went back inside everyone was bascily working in partners and Actorfriend and I ended up working together.. on some stupid stupid IKEA peice that for the life of us we could not figure out how to put it together.. although we had so much fun.. at first it was awkward like usual but then we kept smirking each time someone said, put it in that hole, thats too big, shove it in there, screw this, haha bascilly all the childish jokes and phrases you could think of we were diing laughing half way through the project and having such a great time.. until hubby and Joe came over to see how we were doing and kicked us out for being too slow.. we ended up having a beer together in the kitchen... actor-friend said that was the best time he had in a while, and told me about his gf he just broke up with and blah blah... we were having a good chat and time together.. but still that flicker in his eyes and prob mine.. i dono if being friends will ever work... but it was a good time... anyways so we are now all moved in!
anyways so we finally got the keys to the house and moved in and the guys stuck around to unpack us and put together our IKEA furniture... Ken left at this point and I gave him a big hug and he made me walk him out the door and was like were gotta sleep together right? and at first it took me a moment to realize wat he said, but when I did I smacked him and he started laughing, winked at me and then got in his car and drove off.... I mean sure funny, but turst me there is truth to what he said.. i cant believe these guys, I sware i must have a sign on me that says PLEASE FLIRT WITH ME: DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION
anyways when I went back inside everyone was bascily working in partners and Actorfriend and I ended up working together.. on some stupid stupid IKEA peice that for the life of us we could not figure out how to put it together.. although we had so much fun.. at first it was awkward like usual but then we kept smirking each time someone said, put it in that hole, thats too big, shove it in there, screw this, haha bascilly all the childish jokes and phrases you could think of we were diing laughing half way through the project and having such a great time.. until hubby and Joe came over to see how we were doing and kicked us out for being too slow.. we ended up having a beer together in the kitchen... actor-friend said that was the best time he had in a while, and told me about his gf he just broke up with and blah blah... we were having a good chat and time together.. but still that flicker in his eyes and prob mine.. i dono if being friends will ever work... but it was a good time... anyways so we are now all moved in!
20T: I'm Back
I'm back ladies!
I know I said I was given this up to devote my life to my husbend and all things good but turns out life has a different idea.. so I decided to catch you all up on what has been happening! So when I left off we were moving that weekend... so Friday night comes around and Micki pops over with Lium. I am so not a huge fan of Lium. He tried to steal me away from my hubby wen we were frist dating, and a whole lotta crap along with that. anyways Micki loves Lium. But Lium is a self centered ass. Anyways so back to the story.. they came over to our apartment on Friday night, even tho I was practically in bed and made me go out to a club with them. Well I hadnt seen Lium in like 2 years so he was gaping at me. since I've lost 50 pounds now! So I played it up to my advantage and tried on a million outfits for my "hubby" after him telling me each one was too short and too tight i ended up going with pants and a shirt. Lium pulled me aside and asked suductively if I was going to take my pants off in the car.. i gave him a devalish smile and replied yes... so that was that.. we went to the club and the whole time Lium was following me around pointing out all the guys that were staring at me, calling me a celebrity. he deff felt proud to be with me.. Poor Micki.. anyways I was exhusted by the end of the night, and sick of being grabbed and propositioned by ever guy there.. so they took me home and I am vowing never to go to a club again... we'll see how that holds up but I am so sick of those gross guys. although some were cute but I wasnt there to pick up...
anyways ok so Sat night we were finished up packing when Ken (formally called Max and Steve in this blog, I will now be calling him Ken, easier to remember) called us over to play cards. we went over and Joe had picked me up a bottle of white wine, which i love.. well an hour into a boring game of cards and i had unknowingly finished the whole bottle! needless to say I didnt last long and had to go home. I was sick the entire night, which then turned into being sick all sunday why we packed and continued to feel ill on Monday during the big move..
I know I said I was given this up to devote my life to my husbend and all things good but turns out life has a different idea.. so I decided to catch you all up on what has been happening! So when I left off we were moving that weekend... so Friday night comes around and Micki pops over with Lium. I am so not a huge fan of Lium. He tried to steal me away from my hubby wen we were frist dating, and a whole lotta crap along with that. anyways Micki loves Lium. But Lium is a self centered ass. Anyways so back to the story.. they came over to our apartment on Friday night, even tho I was practically in bed and made me go out to a club with them. Well I hadnt seen Lium in like 2 years so he was gaping at me. since I've lost 50 pounds now! So I played it up to my advantage and tried on a million outfits for my "hubby" after him telling me each one was too short and too tight i ended up going with pants and a shirt. Lium pulled me aside and asked suductively if I was going to take my pants off in the car.. i gave him a devalish smile and replied yes... so that was that.. we went to the club and the whole time Lium was following me around pointing out all the guys that were staring at me, calling me a celebrity. he deff felt proud to be with me.. Poor Micki.. anyways I was exhusted by the end of the night, and sick of being grabbed and propositioned by ever guy there.. so they took me home and I am vowing never to go to a club again... we'll see how that holds up but I am so sick of those gross guys. although some were cute but I wasnt there to pick up...
anyways ok so Sat night we were finished up packing when Ken (formally called Max and Steve in this blog, I will now be calling him Ken, easier to remember) called us over to play cards. we went over and Joe had picked me up a bottle of white wine, which i love.. well an hour into a boring game of cards and i had unknowingly finished the whole bottle! needless to say I didnt last long and had to go home. I was sick the entire night, which then turned into being sick all sunday why we packed and continued to feel ill on Monday during the big move..
Monday, November 24, 2008
20T: Lesson Learned
Alright ladies... this here is my last and final post.. I will be shutting this down at the end of November...
So i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. about my life, my husband, what I've done, the choices I've made... and I've come to a final conclusion about all the men in my life.
None of them were, are, or will ever be as great as my hubby. Not one kiss was better then our first. Not one touch gives me more butterflies then my husbands. And not one of those guys would I ever want to spend a lifetime with... a few days at most! so in figuring that out, I accept that it is all a lust, not love. and therefore know I have the strength to turn down these opportunities.. not saying it will be easy... even tho my hubby and I go through rough times and can fight really really bad. I love him with all my heart and i would only have kids with him, I really only want him to see me naked, and only him to grow old with.. I will just have to be eye candy only! not a free taste-test..
I'm quite discusted with myself, although what can I do, I just hope I can stay loyal. I would never ever want to hurt him... nor could I live if he ever left me...
So in saying and feeling all of this... I missed three nights out with my hubby and his friends, and they were all apparently asking about it... (its nice to be missed, leave em wanting more baby!) anyways so on Friday my hubby was over at Max's house with the boyz and he begged me to come over... I did.. looking hott as hell! I had a born to reign tshirt on with a pair of black skinny pants... and a jean jacket... i looked like a sexy biker chic,.. anyways within moments of walking in the door all the guys were around me chatten to me, poking fun at me and my outfit, then they took my jean jacket off me and were trying it on... it was nice to be missed, but i walked over to my hubby and landed him a big kiss and sat on his lap... Actor friend then asked if anyone wanted to play cards. I said I was in and everyone else followed suit (no pun intended!) there were 6 girls there and they all left within 5 mins of my arrival, i guess they thought i was competition!
anyways i played with the boys for 2 hours and they poked fun at me the whole time.. then I annouced I was leaving and went to play with Max's dog for a bit, I go a few wines from the boys and a baby eyes look from actorfriend.. he kept mouthing dont leave.. why are u leaving? he came over to talk to me for a minute "going to the bathroom" and i jsut said I was tired but I'd see him next time... ARENT U LADIES PROUD OF ME! anyways next day they had a poken tournie again.. and I didnt go!!
so therefore I will be faithful! I know I can do it! Hope you ladies had a good weekend!
So i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. about my life, my husband, what I've done, the choices I've made... and I've come to a final conclusion about all the men in my life.
None of them were, are, or will ever be as great as my hubby. Not one kiss was better then our first. Not one touch gives me more butterflies then my husbands. And not one of those guys would I ever want to spend a lifetime with... a few days at most! so in figuring that out, I accept that it is all a lust, not love. and therefore know I have the strength to turn down these opportunities.. not saying it will be easy... even tho my hubby and I go through rough times and can fight really really bad. I love him with all my heart and i would only have kids with him, I really only want him to see me naked, and only him to grow old with.. I will just have to be eye candy only! not a free taste-test..
I'm quite discusted with myself, although what can I do, I just hope I can stay loyal. I would never ever want to hurt him... nor could I live if he ever left me...
So in saying and feeling all of this... I missed three nights out with my hubby and his friends, and they were all apparently asking about it... (its nice to be missed, leave em wanting more baby!) anyways so on Friday my hubby was over at Max's house with the boyz and he begged me to come over... I did.. looking hott as hell! I had a born to reign tshirt on with a pair of black skinny pants... and a jean jacket... i looked like a sexy biker chic,.. anyways within moments of walking in the door all the guys were around me chatten to me, poking fun at me and my outfit, then they took my jean jacket off me and were trying it on... it was nice to be missed, but i walked over to my hubby and landed him a big kiss and sat on his lap... Actor friend then asked if anyone wanted to play cards. I said I was in and everyone else followed suit (no pun intended!) there were 6 girls there and they all left within 5 mins of my arrival, i guess they thought i was competition!
anyways i played with the boys for 2 hours and they poked fun at me the whole time.. then I annouced I was leaving and went to play with Max's dog for a bit, I go a few wines from the boys and a baby eyes look from actorfriend.. he kept mouthing dont leave.. why are u leaving? he came over to talk to me for a minute "going to the bathroom" and i jsut said I was tired but I'd see him next time... ARENT U LADIES PROUD OF ME! anyways next day they had a poken tournie again.. and I didnt go!!
so therefore I will be faithful! I know I can do it! Hope you ladies had a good weekend!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
20T: I sware I didn’t start it
Ok so not a particularly eventful weekend, I was sick so I didn’t end up going out.. never the less interesting events occurred..
We did a whole lot of packing this weekend.. it felt so good and we were reminissing about our apartment… our first home.. anyways to pay tribute we decided to have sex in all the rooms and on all the surfaces of our apartment! Haha SO MUCH FUN! Seriously! I cant wait till we christen our house! Sex has really improved since I lost the weight.. I think it’s also becuz I’m not insecure anymore.. anytime anywhere anyplace.. I feel like I’m a teen again!
next I got my cell phone hooked up again.. I’ve really not had one since I got married… It tends to cause to many problems and I have too many late nite drunk phone calls.. but I already have facebook what more trouble could a cell phone cause?... I can be trusted with a phone right? Right??
So Friday night I wasn’t feeling so great but I really wanted to go to the mall and catch up on the latest fashions… (once again budget smudgetit…) So I was busting through like a million stores and was getting really hot.. so I decided to save time and heat I would just throw my shirt in my purse and only wear my coat.. so that worked out ok till I ran outta time and didn’t have time to put my shirt back on.. so whatever I would just stick it out till I got home.. my hubby calls and tells me his bestfriend Joe is worken at the mall still and I should meet up with him and bus back home with him… so whatever cool.. I’ve done it lots of times before.. so I go meet up with Joe and hes closing down a store.. and hes like take your coat off im gonna be a while.. and I burst out laughing and explain my situation and he was laughing but he’s like “rweaalay…” I have never seen that look in his eyes before! Anyways im not reading into it we go home together the entire time I am bitching about how hot I am, we get up to my apartment and I had forgotten my keys! Locked out! Dying of heat! So Joe suggests I take my coat off.. but oh yea.. and hes like well just change right here, no ones around.. while hes staring right at me… like is this for real? Anyways hes like my brother and hes seen me in a bikini so it wasn’t like a big deal but I was just taken a back by his suggestion.. anyways I said I’d go around the corner and do it.. which I did.. but I dono it was different.. then he brought it up like 8 times that night with hubby around that I was naked under my jacket.. get over it bud! I dono..
Anyways so I’ve had a few busy days but then yesterday morning some random totally gorgeous guy facebooks me to start trouble.. he wants to chat, maybe meet up, and whatever he’s like from Vancouver… so at first I was like buddy I’m married, but he totally apologizes.. so I thought wow hes a nice guy, and I write him back some flirty comment about being down for innocent chats but if hes ever in the city cant guarantee it being innocent.. and it was a pretty good line but sarcastic and thinking it would never happen.. well turns out he moved here recently and just hasn’t updated his facebook.. lol so now aren’t I a lot of smack talk? Anyways I guess I can cut all ties.. but where would be the fun in that?
So last night was salsa class! I brought Micki from Cali with me.. she was interested in possibly signing up… anyways she sat out the entire time saying she was too embarrassed to try.. too bad but I had a lot of fun… anyways after the class was over she’s like the instructor has the hots for you.. and I was like what? And shes like I caught him starring at your ass the whole class! And I was like that’s his job! He’s gotta make sure I am moving right! But anyways he is cute.. but I am a happily married women. I am a happily married women. I am a happily married women.. I am a………
So what are your ladies plans for the weekend? I’m still sick but in the mood to party! I got invited to a slumber party with a bunch of new girls, which I better attend if I want to still make girlfriends.. I really want to go to a club tho! I better find some female dates fast! Its also UFC this weekend so the boys will be over.. and its one of Adams friends birthday! So we will have to pick and choose our events.. however life has been a little borring.. I hope something exciting happens this weekend..
We did a whole lot of packing this weekend.. it felt so good and we were reminissing about our apartment… our first home.. anyways to pay tribute we decided to have sex in all the rooms and on all the surfaces of our apartment! Haha SO MUCH FUN! Seriously! I cant wait till we christen our house! Sex has really improved since I lost the weight.. I think it’s also becuz I’m not insecure anymore.. anytime anywhere anyplace.. I feel like I’m a teen again!
next I got my cell phone hooked up again.. I’ve really not had one since I got married… It tends to cause to many problems and I have too many late nite drunk phone calls.. but I already have facebook what more trouble could a cell phone cause?... I can be trusted with a phone right? Right??
So Friday night I wasn’t feeling so great but I really wanted to go to the mall and catch up on the latest fashions… (once again budget smudgetit…) So I was busting through like a million stores and was getting really hot.. so I decided to save time and heat I would just throw my shirt in my purse and only wear my coat.. so that worked out ok till I ran outta time and didn’t have time to put my shirt back on.. so whatever I would just stick it out till I got home.. my hubby calls and tells me his bestfriend Joe is worken at the mall still and I should meet up with him and bus back home with him… so whatever cool.. I’ve done it lots of times before.. so I go meet up with Joe and hes closing down a store.. and hes like take your coat off im gonna be a while.. and I burst out laughing and explain my situation and he was laughing but he’s like “rweaalay…” I have never seen that look in his eyes before! Anyways im not reading into it we go home together the entire time I am bitching about how hot I am, we get up to my apartment and I had forgotten my keys! Locked out! Dying of heat! So Joe suggests I take my coat off.. but oh yea.. and hes like well just change right here, no ones around.. while hes staring right at me… like is this for real? Anyways hes like my brother and hes seen me in a bikini so it wasn’t like a big deal but I was just taken a back by his suggestion.. anyways I said I’d go around the corner and do it.. which I did.. but I dono it was different.. then he brought it up like 8 times that night with hubby around that I was naked under my jacket.. get over it bud! I dono..
Anyways so I’ve had a few busy days but then yesterday morning some random totally gorgeous guy facebooks me to start trouble.. he wants to chat, maybe meet up, and whatever he’s like from Vancouver… so at first I was like buddy I’m married, but he totally apologizes.. so I thought wow hes a nice guy, and I write him back some flirty comment about being down for innocent chats but if hes ever in the city cant guarantee it being innocent.. and it was a pretty good line but sarcastic and thinking it would never happen.. well turns out he moved here recently and just hasn’t updated his facebook.. lol so now aren’t I a lot of smack talk? Anyways I guess I can cut all ties.. but where would be the fun in that?
So last night was salsa class! I brought Micki from Cali with me.. she was interested in possibly signing up… anyways she sat out the entire time saying she was too embarrassed to try.. too bad but I had a lot of fun… anyways after the class was over she’s like the instructor has the hots for you.. and I was like what? And shes like I caught him starring at your ass the whole class! And I was like that’s his job! He’s gotta make sure I am moving right! But anyways he is cute.. but I am a happily married women. I am a happily married women. I am a happily married women.. I am a………
So what are your ladies plans for the weekend? I’m still sick but in the mood to party! I got invited to a slumber party with a bunch of new girls, which I better attend if I want to still make girlfriends.. I really want to go to a club tho! I better find some female dates fast! Its also UFC this weekend so the boys will be over.. and its one of Adams friends birthday! So we will have to pick and choose our events.. however life has been a little borring.. I hope something exciting happens this weekend..
Thursday, November 6, 2008
20T: Boundaries
Well where has the time gone.. I can't believe I haven't updated this in almost two weeks... Since we are packing for the big move it's all I can think of! I also sold all of our furniture so I could buy new stuff for our house.. haha I know budget smudgeit.. LOL My house gotta look dope! lol anyways ok ok back to the biz..
Cali friend (Micki) came home! So stoked to have her back, but she hasn't been doing too well.. she's all depressed and what not.. personally I think it's from lack of attention.. which I'm good at getting.. so I invited her out for a night on the town and she wouldnt go!.. like as if!.. she's been over at my house watching movies like crazy.. i am so bored of watching TV! anyways so whatever..
on the weekend hubbys friend moved just down the street from where we bought our house.. crazy! such a stocker... but we all have no idea how he afforded it and all of a sudden up and bought this place.. Anyways his name is Steve.. he somehow always has money and always has a new company.. we think hes full of it.. never the less he had a party on sat nite to celebrate the move..
natch i went with Micki in tow.. or vice-versa she went crazy at the licquor store and was so pumped to go to this party... the party tho was supa dull.. but i'll point out a few highlights... Micki got sick (big shock) and wanted to leave.. as I was walking her out to the cab Actor friend grabs me and says your not leaven are you? I deff felt wanted, specially since we didnt really get a chance to even look at each other all night.. I just raised my eyebrow at him.. said no and walked Micki out to the cab... then when I came in Actor friend was trying to rally up everyone to play cards.. which is our little thing.. we always pretend we're trying to organize a game knowing no one else will play and it will just be us... well played actor-friend, i'm in... so I started playen cards with actor friend and immediatly he asked me about the wedding.. so we were getting right to a hush hush conversation... I totally forgot that was the last time we had communicated.. when I had made a drunken ass out of myself.. anyways i joked about it and mentioned the fact that he missed my big singing performance.. I could tell we were getting ready for a randy conver when hubby came over to join us.. we played cards for a bit.. it was going ok but I started to get really tired! I was poppen Oxy codene (sp?) pills and they were wearing off... NO THAT IS NOT A SERIOUS DRUG! I'M NOT ADDICTED JUST STILL ON A DIET AND GOTTA WATCH MY SUGA LEVELS! anyways so wen actor friend and hubby went outside for a moment I went over to laydown on the couch, which was full.. but Joe (hubbys best friend) was sitten on a chair and shuffled over so I could laydown with him.. and I passed out.. PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP THATS ALL! anyways so when everyone was ready to leave hubby had picked me up to take me home and I woke up only to see Actor friend staring at me with this soft look.. It was so sweet, so hard to explain, it looked like love and hurt and awe'ing. I dono it was like he wanted to be laying with me and was jelous that I was with Joe, but also it looked like he cared and wanted to take care of me.. anyways it was the first time I ever seen him look at me that way... it deff hit a nerve... so as we started out the door actor-friend "casually" mentioned that he couldnt drive.. natch we told him to come crash at our place which he did.. I had a feeling something could happen.. but as soon as I got home I just put on sexy PJs.. went out infront of the boys to "grab a drink" and then I went to bed.. nothing wrong with teasing is there?
Anyways laying with Joe musta really started something with Actor friend, hubby mentioned to me the next day that Actor friend came out and told me that "his wife is sleeping with his best friend" which hubby and i both thought was funny, but I also new that actor-friend was a bit jelouse...
Anyways so all in good fun but I have been dreaming about actor-friend all week. Its driving me crazy.. I think I really love him.. which is so screwed up.. I gotta start putting up boundaries... I think I'm gonna start calling him by his last name again all the guys call him by that and I used to before he asked me to call him by his first name.. its a simple thing but It will just be a reminder that hes off limits.. as well this weekend Steve invited all the boyz over for a poker night with beer and hookers.. lucky me I was on this invitation list... lol anyways i dont think i'm gonna go.. i need to stop hanging out with hubbys friends so often.. it hurts to say that but i gotta, i love hubby were doing so good I dont wana screw it up.. and if i'm gonna screw it up I should go and do it with Chad not with actor friend..
speaking of Chad.. I'm debating weather I should borrow my parents car and go see him.. I really want to show off how fab I look and I want a bit of that kinda excitement that he brings back in my life.. I know maybe a bad idea or maybe just maybe I can leave him wanting me for once.. its a gamble but is it worth it?
So Sat night plans... poker nite with the boyz or can I rally up some girls for a nite on the town and wind up at poker nite? humm this is gonna get interesting.. half naked.. totally in the bag and just me and hubbys friends... what? boundaries? who said anything about those? LOL
Cali friend (Micki) came home! So stoked to have her back, but she hasn't been doing too well.. she's all depressed and what not.. personally I think it's from lack of attention.. which I'm good at getting.. so I invited her out for a night on the town and she wouldnt go!.. like as if!.. she's been over at my house watching movies like crazy.. i am so bored of watching TV! anyways so whatever..
on the weekend hubbys friend moved just down the street from where we bought our house.. crazy! such a stocker... but we all have no idea how he afforded it and all of a sudden up and bought this place.. Anyways his name is Steve.. he somehow always has money and always has a new company.. we think hes full of it.. never the less he had a party on sat nite to celebrate the move..
natch i went with Micki in tow.. or vice-versa she went crazy at the licquor store and was so pumped to go to this party... the party tho was supa dull.. but i'll point out a few highlights... Micki got sick (big shock) and wanted to leave.. as I was walking her out to the cab Actor friend grabs me and says your not leaven are you? I deff felt wanted, specially since we didnt really get a chance to even look at each other all night.. I just raised my eyebrow at him.. said no and walked Micki out to the cab... then when I came in Actor friend was trying to rally up everyone to play cards.. which is our little thing.. we always pretend we're trying to organize a game knowing no one else will play and it will just be us... well played actor-friend, i'm in... so I started playen cards with actor friend and immediatly he asked me about the wedding.. so we were getting right to a hush hush conversation... I totally forgot that was the last time we had communicated.. when I had made a drunken ass out of myself.. anyways i joked about it and mentioned the fact that he missed my big singing performance.. I could tell we were getting ready for a randy conver when hubby came over to join us.. we played cards for a bit.. it was going ok but I started to get really tired! I was poppen Oxy codene (sp?) pills and they were wearing off... NO THAT IS NOT A SERIOUS DRUG! I'M NOT ADDICTED JUST STILL ON A DIET AND GOTTA WATCH MY SUGA LEVELS! anyways so wen actor friend and hubby went outside for a moment I went over to laydown on the couch, which was full.. but Joe (hubbys best friend) was sitten on a chair and shuffled over so I could laydown with him.. and I passed out.. PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP THATS ALL! anyways so when everyone was ready to leave hubby had picked me up to take me home and I woke up only to see Actor friend staring at me with this soft look.. It was so sweet, so hard to explain, it looked like love and hurt and awe'ing. I dono it was like he wanted to be laying with me and was jelous that I was with Joe, but also it looked like he cared and wanted to take care of me.. anyways it was the first time I ever seen him look at me that way... it deff hit a nerve... so as we started out the door actor-friend "casually" mentioned that he couldnt drive.. natch we told him to come crash at our place which he did.. I had a feeling something could happen.. but as soon as I got home I just put on sexy PJs.. went out infront of the boys to "grab a drink" and then I went to bed.. nothing wrong with teasing is there?
Anyways laying with Joe musta really started something with Actor friend, hubby mentioned to me the next day that Actor friend came out and told me that "his wife is sleeping with his best friend" which hubby and i both thought was funny, but I also new that actor-friend was a bit jelouse...
Anyways so all in good fun but I have been dreaming about actor-friend all week. Its driving me crazy.. I think I really love him.. which is so screwed up.. I gotta start putting up boundaries... I think I'm gonna start calling him by his last name again all the guys call him by that and I used to before he asked me to call him by his first name.. its a simple thing but It will just be a reminder that hes off limits.. as well this weekend Steve invited all the boyz over for a poker night with beer and hookers.. lucky me I was on this invitation list... lol anyways i dont think i'm gonna go.. i need to stop hanging out with hubbys friends so often.. it hurts to say that but i gotta, i love hubby were doing so good I dont wana screw it up.. and if i'm gonna screw it up I should go and do it with Chad not with actor friend..
speaking of Chad.. I'm debating weather I should borrow my parents car and go see him.. I really want to show off how fab I look and I want a bit of that kinda excitement that he brings back in my life.. I know maybe a bad idea or maybe just maybe I can leave him wanting me for once.. its a gamble but is it worth it?
So Sat night plans... poker nite with the boyz or can I rally up some girls for a nite on the town and wind up at poker nite? humm this is gonna get interesting.. half naked.. totally in the bag and just me and hubbys friends... what? boundaries? who said anything about those? LOL
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
20T: Whaaaat? Did that just happen?
Ok so where to begin..
Friday Night was Ladies Night! And I went.. I almost chickened out several times but I went!
Worried about what to wear, I tried on every single outfit I had that could be worn at a club. I finally settled on a coral orange mini dress that hugged in all the right places and made me stand out. I was definitely happy with my choice knowing I would make a statement! With the outfit done I hopped in the shower for a spa like treatment (exfoliating, shaving, lavishing, conditioningI also put baby oil all over my legs for a smooth and shiny finish! ) Next I blew my hair out straight and added in blonde extensions. Really Hott!! So I finished my makeup and put on my dress, am ready to leave when I notice that the oil hadn’t been rubbed in enough on the top of my legs and I had stains on my dress on the back!! I was so upset! Needless to say I couldn’t get them out and had to change.. so I ended up with a mini black dress that had to back and the front pluged to my weist.. all in all I should have gone with this numba in the beginning.. true not a bright color, but damn I looked fierce…
So I met up with my gf and we headed over to her friends, as if I wasn’t worried about the night enough it turns out her friend lives right beside my extremely string uncle and aunt (who love telling on me btw!) Luckily I don’t think they ever saw me… anyways so we drank a bit there I met the girls we would be hanging out with and I was totally stoked! I figured I had made it and I found new friends! Anyways we got to the club and it was a pretty good night, but somehow I was bombed, I had three drinks over the perios of like 5 hours but I was bombed! Anyways luckily I had these girls who were protecting me from all the sleeze bags but not from them… haha I ended up making out with one of them!!! Which I know every girl does but.. I dono the next day it didn’t sit well with me.. I felt like I had lowered my own personal standards.. but we’ll get back to that thought… So anyways all in all the club was pretty awesome, we danced with a lot of guys (I tried pushing them away I really was there just for my girls!) A bouncer actually had to kick two guys out for me I find out later since they were stalking me and grabbing me (once again I was bombed..) but a good time had by all.
The next day we had my hubbies buddies stag and doe.. I was supposed to hang out with my gf from cali but she ditched me all weekend and then called me yesterday to say she was to depressed to go out. (our other friend already told me she hung out with her both days…) anyways! So the stag an doe.. my next time seeing actor-friend and ready for the game on! Figuring what to wear again.. I didn’t want to look over dressed but I didn’t want to blend in either.. I ended up in crock heals, a brown mini skirt, and a purple top. I curled my hair for the first time and looked hot (naturally! LOL)
So we get there and the 1st guy e see was Joel, he just looks at me and goes “whoa” then cocks his head at hubby.. it was quite funny. He gave me this big hug and my hubby left me to get drinks and tickets. Then the rest of the guys came over to introduce themselves to me hahaha and all ended up giving me hugs.. I didn’t think I looked that diff with curly hair but whatever… so the night went on we were all drinking and hanging out actor-friend comes over and sits with me and Joe. Playing it cool I kind of ignor him as he tries to add in to Joes and my conversation. (we were looking around looking for potential hook-ups for him) and actor-friend chirps that he’s now into married women and stares at me. Like how cocky and stupid is that? I just said oh yea? And continued my conver… not to say I wasn’t intrigued but what he said or what he meant, and not like Joe would catch on.. ahh if he wasn’t so fricken hot and those damn eyes… anyways we were all dancing later (I kept my distance from actor-friend to his demise) anyways It was like 1:30 and I walked out of the bathroom only to have actor-friend grab me, pin me up against the wall, and start kissing me. I was so shoked by the boldness, afraid of getting caught, it was so heat.. it more ways then one.. anyways we heard footsteps and broke apart only to see Joe look at both of us and ask if everythings ok.. haha I died on the spot and murmered st and left the two of them chatten.. I went out the backstairs to run smack into Joel who was also drunk.. He was wearing this hat and put in on me we were jokin around up to this point and then hes like wow you look amazing in that hat.. no one looks good in that hat.. then the conversation went to all the things he could do to me and I quote “make me burn” he picked me up and sat me on the back of the truck and had his arms on both sides of my legs not letting me move or get down… anyways luckily my hubby and actor-friend and joe all came out right then and Joel backed off… but what the hell!? I was drunk but mad that I knew he was taken adv of that… anyways the boys decided we were going to go to a park around the corner… yea around the corner my ass.. we had to troup through a thick bush to get there, me in heals and a skirt, I wounded up with a million bites and scratches and Joel and actor-friend were both ”helping me” at every opportunity they saw… anyways after an eventless walk we stumbled into the park and hubby called a cab-van to take us all back to our place (there were 2 other guys with us) anyways I end up in the back with actor-friend beside me and Joel beside him.. I had already talked to actor-friend on our little “hike” about what was going on with Joel and he picked up the signals.. Joel was reaching behind him and caressing me, my hair, my butt, whatever he could touch and I couldn’t say a damn thing… I froze I didn’t know what to do! Anyways actor-friend was no help, I could see he was jelous and he just leaned forward and ignored it.
At home things didn’t go much better we were all hanging out when I went to lie down and pass out in the bedroom. Sure enough actor-friend and Joel and one of the other guys came in and were all chillen on the bed too (quite normal actually we’ve got a king and everyone loves chillen on it) the lights were off tho and Joels hands were going everywhere, up my skirt everything.. and I had actor-friend on the other side of me..
Anyways so that was bascally my night… so here are the conclusions.. I would never do anything with Joel, I’m not a random type a girl, and I am appalled at the fact that he would hit on his bff wife so hard.. True this is what actor-friend does but it’s different, we have a thing, feelings, and we’ve talked about it, not just some cheap drunken trick… anyways so I dono what to do about this Joel situation or even actor-friend..
But reflecting on my weekend I feel really slutty. Like a girl should be able to go out with her friends, hang out with her hubby have a good time and go home.. instead I feel guilty about everything because something unplanned always happens and I dono how to turn the events once in motion. I feel terrible… my hubby deserves better than this, and I don’t want to be treated like a skank… on the other half I wish my hubby would pay more attention to me when were out and maybe this shit wouldn’t happen.. I mean its obv his friends notice his lack of attention and presence..
However I’m not about to promise no more clubs and actor-friend.. man I am so screwed up!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
20T: Lust, Lingerie, and Romance Novels
So I went shopping last night (I know I'm on a damn budget..but a girl has to spend..) Anyways I found the hottest bra and panty sets in La Senza! And since I'm on the road to being a sex kitten, Lingerie was a must! So I bought a leapord print & diamond bra and thong set, and a pinstriped with white lace bra and booty panty set. I LOOK SO SEXY!! haha I was so stoked and eager to get home and show them off... hubby IGNORS ME!! he was so mad that I had spent money he totally overlooked how amazing I looked! I was so pissed, as if he's not gonna drool over me.. didn't matter his friends came over later and they certainly did.. I'll get to that in a minute..
So romance novels, I don't know if you've ever read them but they are quite steamy! Since I'm taking the bus all the time now, having a book is the in thing... So I had gone to the library the other week and they recommended a bunch to me and I've read about three.. Seriously I sware it's why I've been so the prowl! Just ready to pen my own erotic read...
Anyways so the boys randomly came over for a wii night.. and ended up in a drunken state... I was making steaks and omelettes and cake at 3 in the morning! haha It was deff fun but I'm paying for it this morning... anyways I deff felt sexy last night knowing I looked so good underneath my clothes.. but once again me and actor-friend didn't pan out.. We were sitting together on the balcony I was half laying on him and my hubbys other bestfriend Joel comes over.. (three main buddies - Joe, Joel, and actor-friend, they've known each other since grade school).. I mean Joel's another hottie, but an asshole to women, and so damn cocky. He's not nearly as good looking as actor-friend or my hubby, but his whole attitude just puts me in my place, which is extremely hard to do.. anyways so he starts wrestling with actor-friend, pulls him off the couch and falls on me.. we were all laughing and stuff and then I went in to get something.. a while later actor-friend and I were sitting inside on opposite couches (hubby had gone to bed at this point) and I called him over to sit with me. Surprisingly he did and he pulled me into him and starting holding my hand and telling me he just wants to talk to me without everyone staring at us.. (there were about 5 other guys there including Joe.. I had basically ignored actor-boy so far) Anyways so we were finally getten a moment to talk when Joel stumbles in starts wrestling with actor-friend and kicks him off the couch and sits with me again. He starts laying on me and wraps my arms around him.. all I could do was look helplessly at actor-friend.. I was so mad, Joel was totally getting in the way. Well apparently so was actor-friend about 30 seconds later he just looked at me and then called to his buddies to leave.. leaving me there trapped under Joel like it was my fault... my eyes were begging actor-friend not to leave but he was clearly pissed..
anyways I can't believe Joel was doing this.. what is going on here? Then I half wondered if actor-friend had said anything? Anyways I went to bed and came to work this morning to get this facebook msg from actor-boy:
"if i had the money i would buy you a new computer. thanks for everything last night and this morning, the eggs, the hospitality and all that shiit. you kick butt"
(my computer broke so I couldnt work on his bands website) anyways not sure how to read this msg, I won't read into it but "you kick butt" ?? say what you really feel you know? bottom line, he's thinking about me.. haha cold shoulder routine worked.. and dare I say maybe even jelous?
anyways we'll see what happens this weekend...
In other news I got invited to a girls night out from a girl I banged into in La Senza I used to go to high school with her but we were never really friends, but she's cool. So I don't know what to do, they are predrinking at her place and then going downtown.. I dono if I should go. I've had so many late nights lately, and I'm so insecure about hanging out with new girls! I know I said I needed to friends and this is my opportunity... but still what do I do? and If I do go how do I act? what do I say?
ADVISE PLEASE!!!
So romance novels, I don't know if you've ever read them but they are quite steamy! Since I'm taking the bus all the time now, having a book is the in thing... So I had gone to the library the other week and they recommended a bunch to me and I've read about three.. Seriously I sware it's why I've been so the prowl! Just ready to pen my own erotic read...
Anyways so the boys randomly came over for a wii night.. and ended up in a drunken state... I was making steaks and omelettes and cake at 3 in the morning! haha It was deff fun but I'm paying for it this morning... anyways I deff felt sexy last night knowing I looked so good underneath my clothes.. but once again me and actor-friend didn't pan out.. We were sitting together on the balcony I was half laying on him and my hubbys other bestfriend Joel comes over.. (three main buddies - Joe, Joel, and actor-friend, they've known each other since grade school).. I mean Joel's another hottie, but an asshole to women, and so damn cocky. He's not nearly as good looking as actor-friend or my hubby, but his whole attitude just puts me in my place, which is extremely hard to do.. anyways so he starts wrestling with actor-friend, pulls him off the couch and falls on me.. we were all laughing and stuff and then I went in to get something.. a while later actor-friend and I were sitting inside on opposite couches (hubby had gone to bed at this point) and I called him over to sit with me. Surprisingly he did and he pulled me into him and starting holding my hand and telling me he just wants to talk to me without everyone staring at us.. (there were about 5 other guys there including Joe.. I had basically ignored actor-boy so far) Anyways so we were finally getten a moment to talk when Joel stumbles in starts wrestling with actor-friend and kicks him off the couch and sits with me again. He starts laying on me and wraps my arms around him.. all I could do was look helplessly at actor-friend.. I was so mad, Joel was totally getting in the way. Well apparently so was actor-friend about 30 seconds later he just looked at me and then called to his buddies to leave.. leaving me there trapped under Joel like it was my fault... my eyes were begging actor-friend not to leave but he was clearly pissed..
anyways I can't believe Joel was doing this.. what is going on here? Then I half wondered if actor-friend had said anything? Anyways I went to bed and came to work this morning to get this facebook msg from actor-boy:
"if i had the money i would buy you a new computer. thanks for everything last night and this morning, the eggs, the hospitality and all that shiit. you kick butt"
(my computer broke so I couldnt work on his bands website) anyways not sure how to read this msg, I won't read into it but "you kick butt" ?? say what you really feel you know? bottom line, he's thinking about me.. haha cold shoulder routine worked.. and dare I say maybe even jelous?
anyways we'll see what happens this weekend...
In other news I got invited to a girls night out from a girl I banged into in La Senza I used to go to high school with her but we were never really friends, but she's cool. So I don't know what to do, they are predrinking at her place and then going downtown.. I dono if I should go. I've had so many late nights lately, and I'm so insecure about hanging out with new girls! I know I said I needed to friends and this is my opportunity... but still what do I do? and If I do go how do I act? what do I say?
ADVISE PLEASE!!!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
20T: Game On
Well it's Hump Day!
I've gotta say I've certainly been doing a lot of that lately.. I know you didn't need to know that.. I dono what it is about fall.. anyways I read in this months cosmo that fall is a more the season to hook up in then any other.. I found that hard to believe but none the less am on the bandwagon.. of course it helps to have a hubby at your disposal.. oh well I'm sure he doesn't mind! I do have to say one thing.. I've always wanted to try that position that Leonardo D. pulls in the movie "The Beach" where there sitting on each other.. anyways finally did it and it was fabulous! I felt I was too fat to try it before... I didnt want the wave happening you know.. but damn it was good.. thats your homework for the weekend... try it..
Anyways so last night was week 4 of latin dancing! I'm getten the hang of it I think.. we started learning the meregue (cant spell) Anyways we were doing this hip roll thing and the instructor called me out infront of the whole class and called me Shakira and asked if I did belly dancing! I almost died. true I should have felt good, but I just got so embarrased, turned beat red and started cracking up.. I dono how this modeling gig will go.. I may not be serious enough.. could you imagine? Give me sexy, purs purs, haha I'm gonna cry..
So actor friend... I felt pretty beat after he hung up on me at the wedding, and then when he called out my cheap msg on facebook... He deff had the upper hand and I had shown him my cards.. I couldnt decide yesturday weather to apologize or to just stop trying to fix things before I made them worse... well I decided to apologize, and I made a joke outta what I had said.. I was worried all night that I was coming off too eager... (I know I'm married, but doesnt mean I can sit on the bench... the game is still going on!) anyways I made the right call.. he facebooked me this morning saying it wasnt a big deal and who cares.. he also asked me about this popular girl.. whom he didnt know I was friends with... (I'm always trying to hook him up with friends... seems stupid.. but it's not like I'm gonna date this guy.. plus the chase is all the fun! On the flip side it's another one of our ways to keep the conversation up between the two of us without anyone catching on that we're saying things inbetween.) so anyways bottom line. He needs me. lol. But this girl, shes true competition... usually the girls actor-friend goes for I'm never worried about, I know I'm sexier, classier, smarter, and funnier... but this girl... true I don't know her that well, but I always had a girl crush on her and her sister. Where I'm from these two rule the city.. true enough they have a sluty rep which is true but I wouldnt hold that against them.. if you do, that means you are outrightenly admitting your jelous if your a girl, or admitting they blew you off if your a guy...
however this premptive favor means we're back to square one with each other. And going with my new moto, I'm going to win this round... I seen how much actor-friend means to me and I'm not gonna let that rule my heart. I've been there before with Chad.. Therefore let the games begin. I will not msg him back right away, oh yea I'll be playing this old school. Next time I see him I will be cold and bored with his antics, however sexy and alluring inbetween to keep him hooked. This guy likes the chase, he likes the idea of a girl he can't get. That's exactly what I am... Lets see how hard this guy can work.... I'll keep you posted..
~ One sexy Biatch!
I've gotta say I've certainly been doing a lot of that lately.. I know you didn't need to know that.. I dono what it is about fall.. anyways I read in this months cosmo that fall is a more the season to hook up in then any other.. I found that hard to believe but none the less am on the bandwagon.. of course it helps to have a hubby at your disposal.. oh well I'm sure he doesn't mind! I do have to say one thing.. I've always wanted to try that position that Leonardo D. pulls in the movie "The Beach" where there sitting on each other.. anyways finally did it and it was fabulous! I felt I was too fat to try it before... I didnt want the wave happening you know.. but damn it was good.. thats your homework for the weekend... try it..
Anyways so last night was week 4 of latin dancing! I'm getten the hang of it I think.. we started learning the meregue (cant spell) Anyways we were doing this hip roll thing and the instructor called me out infront of the whole class and called me Shakira and asked if I did belly dancing! I almost died. true I should have felt good, but I just got so embarrased, turned beat red and started cracking up.. I dono how this modeling gig will go.. I may not be serious enough.. could you imagine? Give me sexy, purs purs, haha I'm gonna cry..
So actor friend... I felt pretty beat after he hung up on me at the wedding, and then when he called out my cheap msg on facebook... He deff had the upper hand and I had shown him my cards.. I couldnt decide yesturday weather to apologize or to just stop trying to fix things before I made them worse... well I decided to apologize, and I made a joke outta what I had said.. I was worried all night that I was coming off too eager... (I know I'm married, but doesnt mean I can sit on the bench... the game is still going on!) anyways I made the right call.. he facebooked me this morning saying it wasnt a big deal and who cares.. he also asked me about this popular girl.. whom he didnt know I was friends with... (I'm always trying to hook him up with friends... seems stupid.. but it's not like I'm gonna date this guy.. plus the chase is all the fun! On the flip side it's another one of our ways to keep the conversation up between the two of us without anyone catching on that we're saying things inbetween.) so anyways bottom line. He needs me. lol. But this girl, shes true competition... usually the girls actor-friend goes for I'm never worried about, I know I'm sexier, classier, smarter, and funnier... but this girl... true I don't know her that well, but I always had a girl crush on her and her sister. Where I'm from these two rule the city.. true enough they have a sluty rep which is true but I wouldnt hold that against them.. if you do, that means you are outrightenly admitting your jelous if your a girl, or admitting they blew you off if your a guy...
however this premptive favor means we're back to square one with each other. And going with my new moto, I'm going to win this round... I seen how much actor-friend means to me and I'm not gonna let that rule my heart. I've been there before with Chad.. Therefore let the games begin. I will not msg him back right away, oh yea I'll be playing this old school. Next time I see him I will be cold and bored with his antics, however sexy and alluring inbetween to keep him hooked. This guy likes the chase, he likes the idea of a girl he can't get. That's exactly what I am... Lets see how hard this guy can work.... I'll keep you posted..
~ One sexy Biatch!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
20T: Nothing Ever Goes as Planned
Well I meant to update this earlier... so much has happened in the week..
So it was finally Friday and I was deff stoked, knowing I was going to see Actor Friend and was anxious to see how the night would work out...
we did our usual. ignored each other at the beginning of the night, then started to give each other looks... and then we tried to conjure up senarios where we would end up alone... it was about 12:30 when I suggested we all go to the bar across the street to play pool.. actor friend immediately agreed both hoping that no one else would want to go, and we thought my hubby would go to bed. At first he said he wasn't going.. but then everyone came.. dammit..
things didnt go much better at the bar.. hubby and I got in a fight since some random guys hit on me.. (like thats my fault!) and then actor friend and I couldnt even say a word to each other without Joe staring us down... we got a small moment by the juke box, where he said under his breath" You are so beautiful". All I said was... Joe is staring at us.. we laughed.. and ended up leaving the bar frustrated..
When we got back to the apt a few more of my hubbys friends showed up... we were going in the elevator when the rest of the guys stopped for a minute and the elevator shut on actor friend and i. We finally had a moment alone. He asked to kiss me, and then came over to but the door opened up again... he jumped back and my hubby walked in... missed the moment again...
anyways the rest of the night we played scategories and nothin...
the next day Joe was having a BBQ at his house, actor friend called to see if we were going.. i said we wern't and he was dissapointed.. I ended up dragging my hubby there only to sit outside in the freezing cold and hear about wrestling all night.. i ended up reading a book..
Sunday was the wedding... and it was so so borring! Hubby suggested we invite actor friend to come after dinner.. random eh? however hubby and I ended up in a fight and he went home without me. I called actor friend and he said he'd come.. I told him I'd call him back in an hour. Well after an hour went by I was piss ass drunk with my 17 yr old bro, I had walked up to the mike and saranaded the bride and groom "tastefully" lol and I was back on the phone with actor friend. Who wasnt coming anymore, called out the fact that I was drunk and ended hanging up on me.. I ended up spilling the beans to my bro about how broken hearted I was.... I deff regret telling that secret now...
Anyways the night was shit.. and I fired off a drunk facebook msg to actor friend, which I paid for this morning... pride so hurt.
all in all things with actor friend didn't pan out as I thought. I've decided he's not worth it and I plan to blow him off next time (we'll see).
In other good news... my best friend called me and said shes moving back from Cali!!! I guess things with her bf aren't working out anymore.. I am so stoked! I'm getting my friends back! So I dont have to seem like a loser anymore when my hubbys friends are around!
I also got asked to model for a photographer at the wedding, she said she'd contact me in a few weeks... I hope it pulls through, I've always wanted to try it, plus If I get some beautiful shots I will be rubbin them in actor friends face... (Am I a women scorned or what?)
Also another one of my past crushes... Chad sent me a msg about getting together.. he was the reason why I almost didnt marry my hubby in the first place... getting together with him can't lead to good things... but I look damn sexy now and I'm hopen to make him regret his decision... I'll keep you posted!
So it was finally Friday and I was deff stoked, knowing I was going to see Actor Friend and was anxious to see how the night would work out...
we did our usual. ignored each other at the beginning of the night, then started to give each other looks... and then we tried to conjure up senarios where we would end up alone... it was about 12:30 when I suggested we all go to the bar across the street to play pool.. actor friend immediately agreed both hoping that no one else would want to go, and we thought my hubby would go to bed. At first he said he wasn't going.. but then everyone came.. dammit..
things didnt go much better at the bar.. hubby and I got in a fight since some random guys hit on me.. (like thats my fault!) and then actor friend and I couldnt even say a word to each other without Joe staring us down... we got a small moment by the juke box, where he said under his breath" You are so beautiful". All I said was... Joe is staring at us.. we laughed.. and ended up leaving the bar frustrated..
When we got back to the apt a few more of my hubbys friends showed up... we were going in the elevator when the rest of the guys stopped for a minute and the elevator shut on actor friend and i. We finally had a moment alone. He asked to kiss me, and then came over to but the door opened up again... he jumped back and my hubby walked in... missed the moment again...
anyways the rest of the night we played scategories and nothin...
the next day Joe was having a BBQ at his house, actor friend called to see if we were going.. i said we wern't and he was dissapointed.. I ended up dragging my hubby there only to sit outside in the freezing cold and hear about wrestling all night.. i ended up reading a book..
Sunday was the wedding... and it was so so borring! Hubby suggested we invite actor friend to come after dinner.. random eh? however hubby and I ended up in a fight and he went home without me. I called actor friend and he said he'd come.. I told him I'd call him back in an hour. Well after an hour went by I was piss ass drunk with my 17 yr old bro, I had walked up to the mike and saranaded the bride and groom "tastefully" lol and I was back on the phone with actor friend. Who wasnt coming anymore, called out the fact that I was drunk and ended hanging up on me.. I ended up spilling the beans to my bro about how broken hearted I was.... I deff regret telling that secret now...
Anyways the night was shit.. and I fired off a drunk facebook msg to actor friend, which I paid for this morning... pride so hurt.
all in all things with actor friend didn't pan out as I thought. I've decided he's not worth it and I plan to blow him off next time (we'll see).
In other good news... my best friend called me and said shes moving back from Cali!!! I guess things with her bf aren't working out anymore.. I am so stoked! I'm getting my friends back! So I dont have to seem like a loser anymore when my hubbys friends are around!
I also got asked to model for a photographer at the wedding, she said she'd contact me in a few weeks... I hope it pulls through, I've always wanted to try it, plus If I get some beautiful shots I will be rubbin them in actor friends face... (Am I a women scorned or what?)
Also another one of my past crushes... Chad sent me a msg about getting together.. he was the reason why I almost didnt marry my hubby in the first place... getting together with him can't lead to good things... but I look damn sexy now and I'm hopen to make him regret his decision... I'll keep you posted!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
20T: I haven’t learned a damn thing
Being 5 weeks from when I set my goals I am happy to say that I am now back to my highschool weight (Thanks SouthBeach!) I lost 30 pounds! I have enrolled in dancing lessons and have been trying aimlessly to make new friends...
It was Friday night and we had the guys over for a night of cards. We were playing asshole. So there we were hubby, joe, me, actor friend, and a few more guys. Actor friend and I were sitting across from each other. Spitting out remarks at each other, as we tend to fight like bro and sis in public, mainly to cover up the truth. The game was going really well until actor friend started with those damn eyes again. Those sexy glances, and raised eyebrow poses. We continued back in forth, for the rest of the game, when we found a moment that everyone elses eyes were on their cards, until hubby caught a look. True it was quite bold what we were doing, and looking back quite stupid, but it’s almost like you get lost in the moment, you forget everyone else, and you forget that it’s not ok, even though it feels like it is. Hubby looks at him and then looks at me and was like whats going on here? We just laughed it off and made an excuse about the cards and I accused actor friend of cheating and we left it at that. However I felt hubby wisen up in that moment. You see he was always afraid that I would leave him for his friend Joe, he tells me later that now he thinks I would for actor friend..
So the game comes to a close at about 1:30am and hubby goes to bed leaving me to entertain his friends. The rest of them quit cards and resort to xbox while actor friend and I play another. I was teaching him a new game outloud but between sentances we were whispering a plan for later. He wanted to come back and pick me up after we kicked everyone else out. We kept whispering and talking and tempting each other with erotic phrases while every once in a while Joe would look over thinking he heard something besides game instructions… Actor friend finally talked me into seeing him later (Which would mean 4 in the morning) and I agreed. He said he would text me on my cell when he was downstairs. We were both aching for each other at this point so we canned the game and sent everyone home. Not gonna lie I was totally stoked. I touched up my hair, make up, and perfume and sat waiting with my puppy for his text. I knew that this was right. But I asked myself how far I was willing to go with him.. I had only slept with one man, and it would be a huge deal to me to sleep with two. But after the month I had I figured what the hell. I knew I loved actor friend and I wanted it to bad to deprive myself. Anyways all of that was for nothing, the text never came. I went to bed deeply upset.
He called the next day for hubby letting him know what a great time he had and how he wanted to get together soon, I didn’t know if that was a message actually meant for me or if he was really just over the me and him fling..
I fretted about it all weekend, then found out Sunday night that my phone had been cut off a week ago.
DAMN! It was my fault that Friday night didn’t happen. I was releaved in once sence but so peeved in the over. I cant believe I had missed out! Anyways I called actor friend Monday to clear up what had happened… we didn’t say too much, I’m not sure how to read his phone voice yet… but he’s coming over this Friday.. so I’ll let you know what happens..
It was Friday night and we had the guys over for a night of cards. We were playing asshole. So there we were hubby, joe, me, actor friend, and a few more guys. Actor friend and I were sitting across from each other. Spitting out remarks at each other, as we tend to fight like bro and sis in public, mainly to cover up the truth. The game was going really well until actor friend started with those damn eyes again. Those sexy glances, and raised eyebrow poses. We continued back in forth, for the rest of the game, when we found a moment that everyone elses eyes were on their cards, until hubby caught a look. True it was quite bold what we were doing, and looking back quite stupid, but it’s almost like you get lost in the moment, you forget everyone else, and you forget that it’s not ok, even though it feels like it is. Hubby looks at him and then looks at me and was like whats going on here? We just laughed it off and made an excuse about the cards and I accused actor friend of cheating and we left it at that. However I felt hubby wisen up in that moment. You see he was always afraid that I would leave him for his friend Joe, he tells me later that now he thinks I would for actor friend..
So the game comes to a close at about 1:30am and hubby goes to bed leaving me to entertain his friends. The rest of them quit cards and resort to xbox while actor friend and I play another. I was teaching him a new game outloud but between sentances we were whispering a plan for later. He wanted to come back and pick me up after we kicked everyone else out. We kept whispering and talking and tempting each other with erotic phrases while every once in a while Joe would look over thinking he heard something besides game instructions… Actor friend finally talked me into seeing him later (Which would mean 4 in the morning) and I agreed. He said he would text me on my cell when he was downstairs. We were both aching for each other at this point so we canned the game and sent everyone home. Not gonna lie I was totally stoked. I touched up my hair, make up, and perfume and sat waiting with my puppy for his text. I knew that this was right. But I asked myself how far I was willing to go with him.. I had only slept with one man, and it would be a huge deal to me to sleep with two. But after the month I had I figured what the hell. I knew I loved actor friend and I wanted it to bad to deprive myself. Anyways all of that was for nothing, the text never came. I went to bed deeply upset.
He called the next day for hubby letting him know what a great time he had and how he wanted to get together soon, I didn’t know if that was a message actually meant for me or if he was really just over the me and him fling..
I fretted about it all weekend, then found out Sunday night that my phone had been cut off a week ago.
DAMN! It was my fault that Friday night didn’t happen. I was releaved in once sence but so peeved in the over. I cant believe I had missed out! Anyways I called actor friend Monday to clear up what had happened… we didn’t say too much, I’m not sure how to read his phone voice yet… but he’s coming over this Friday.. so I’ll let you know what happens..
20T: I Wanna Dance
So I signed up for salsa lessons two weeks ago, I've always wanted to learn latin dancing and it's just so damn sexy! It's an all womens class so I figured for once I wouldnt have to worry about dragging my hubby every week and I would maybe make new friends?
I go to my third class tonight. I am also happy to report that I am the thinnest girl there! Perhaps a shallow thing to say, but once you've been a chubby girl.... there is no greater joy then to be back on the other side! So as far as friends go, I have one potential friend from salsa. She has a boyfriend with the same name as my hubby..
Anyways so I've always wanted to go to clubs and look hott and dance hott, so I decided salsa wasnt enough.. much to my husbands demise (we just bought a house and he put me on $100/mo budget. I am used to spending around 15x that) I signed up for hip hop as well and had my first lesson last night. allz I gotta say is I'm bad! haha I really felt I rocked it, considering I was three weeks behind. Needless to say my hubbys not thrilled and wouldn't let me show him my new moves..
Therz also way more girls my age in that class. One of them even gave me her phone number!
Side note: guys its just as hard for us as it is for you to get another girls number..
Anyways so at least these girls were pretty, I can deff see myself going out with them. Once again I hate to be shallow, but my girls have got to be hott! so hopefully as the weeks go on I can "get their numbers" lol
I go to my third class tonight. I am also happy to report that I am the thinnest girl there! Perhaps a shallow thing to say, but once you've been a chubby girl.... there is no greater joy then to be back on the other side! So as far as friends go, I have one potential friend from salsa. She has a boyfriend with the same name as my hubby..
Anyways so I've always wanted to go to clubs and look hott and dance hott, so I decided salsa wasnt enough.. much to my husbands demise (we just bought a house and he put me on $100/mo budget. I am used to spending around 15x that) I signed up for hip hop as well and had my first lesson last night. allz I gotta say is I'm bad! haha I really felt I rocked it, considering I was three weeks behind. Needless to say my hubbys not thrilled and wouldn't let me show him my new moves..
Therz also way more girls my age in that class. One of them even gave me her phone number!
Side note: guys its just as hard for us as it is for you to get another girls number..
Anyways so at least these girls were pretty, I can deff see myself going out with them. Once again I hate to be shallow, but my girls have got to be hott! so hopefully as the weeks go on I can "get their numbers" lol
20T: Sunshine after the Rain
So I lost my car in the accident, we do have a second car but it’s a manual. After about a week of serious heart in trying to drive ‘er, I have given up and resorted to taking the bus to work. My commute time has now gone from 20 minutes to 1.5 hours because of where we are located on the bus routes.. Two buses to get to work…
Anyways I didn’t dare complain to hubby as I was the one who smashed the car, even though it wasn’t deliberate or could have been helped. But I was feeling guilty about the actions that preceeded the accident… I also figured taking the bus would give me plenty of time to reflect on my actions and decisions in the past few weeks. This is when I came up with my list of things to accomplish.
First up on the chopping block: friends. Since I work at a University, you would think it would come easy, but after a week and a half of riding the bus.. I was getting desperate. Then one day it all changed. I was sorely depressed about not knowing how to meet new people, this is a hard task in itself. We were all smushed onto the bus and I got in and some brunette started yapping away to me about how the bus is a great way to meet people. I could tell that was just what she was trying to do. However I snuffed out that she was a first year and quite a bit under my maturity level. The bus doors opened again and this pretty blonde came on board. Instantly I felt that we could be great friends, but much too shy to talk to her I just moved down the line to make room. The brunette still yapping in my ear about rainbows and sunshine.. Then outta nowhere the blonde asked me about my nails. Was she starting a conversation with me? I was so surprised.. and we started chatten away, and she was a fourth year and blah blah. As she was about to get off the bus, she introduced herself as “ella” and pointed at me, “haden” I replied. “Hopefully we’ll bump into each other again” she said as the bus doors closed. Man I was like a fat kid in the candy store! Had I just possibly maybe met a potential friend? YES!!! I can do this! I can meet people! Seriously I was so excitied, I didn’t mind that I had to sit in the rain for 35 minutes while waiting for the second bus to come. My life is finally going to change.
And as far as the sunshine after the rain.. I may have lost my car, but hubby and I bought a house!! We move in Dec 1st!!
Anyways I didn’t dare complain to hubby as I was the one who smashed the car, even though it wasn’t deliberate or could have been helped. But I was feeling guilty about the actions that preceeded the accident… I also figured taking the bus would give me plenty of time to reflect on my actions and decisions in the past few weeks. This is when I came up with my list of things to accomplish.
First up on the chopping block: friends. Since I work at a University, you would think it would come easy, but after a week and a half of riding the bus.. I was getting desperate. Then one day it all changed. I was sorely depressed about not knowing how to meet new people, this is a hard task in itself. We were all smushed onto the bus and I got in and some brunette started yapping away to me about how the bus is a great way to meet people. I could tell that was just what she was trying to do. However I snuffed out that she was a first year and quite a bit under my maturity level. The bus doors opened again and this pretty blonde came on board. Instantly I felt that we could be great friends, but much too shy to talk to her I just moved down the line to make room. The brunette still yapping in my ear about rainbows and sunshine.. Then outta nowhere the blonde asked me about my nails. Was she starting a conversation with me? I was so surprised.. and we started chatten away, and she was a fourth year and blah blah. As she was about to get off the bus, she introduced herself as “ella” and pointed at me, “haden” I replied. “Hopefully we’ll bump into each other again” she said as the bus doors closed. Man I was like a fat kid in the candy store! Had I just possibly maybe met a potential friend? YES!!! I can do this! I can meet people! Seriously I was so excitied, I didn’t mind that I had to sit in the rain for 35 minutes while waiting for the second bus to come. My life is finally going to change.
And as far as the sunshine after the rain.. I may have lost my car, but hubby and I bought a house!! We move in Dec 1st!!
20T: A night of pleasure for a week of pain: The Accident that Started it All
So as I mentioned previously, I was in a near death experience a few weeks ago. A car accident to be precise, no not drinking and driving as the title may persum but humm perhaps a little background info to get you up to speed.
It had been a crazy week, I had three clients to meet with on my side jobs, I had been over at my parents house twice as my little brother had run away since he was caught smoking pot, and I was planning my hubbys 24th bday on Friday. I had a lot on my plate and my mind was spinning not aware of what else could happen.. His party came and we had a great time, all his friends came over and we had a big bash in the apartment the supers were called at least three times… I invited two girls who I used to work with. Big mistake.. Anyways all my best friends didn’t come. And I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was my last chance to see everyone. As usual the hubbys friends were hitting on me, we all get along as one big group.
Sunday morning came and the pit I had in my tummy, grew to full size. I was sitting in church and realized that this could be my very last day to live. Instantly I panicked, I agree what a weird thought… but that’s all I knew. So I asked myself what I had to do. And the answer wasn’t what.. it was who. .. My hubbys best friend… oh boy I know what you’re thinking… how can I say all these sweet things about my hubby in one minute and then talk about his bestfriend in the next… believe me If I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be writing this blog..
So me and actor bestfriend. We’ve kind of always had a thing.. since me and hubby started dating… there’s always been those suggestive looks and winks, extra long hugs, and silent moments. At my own wedding even… anyways during the winter, one extremely drunk night when my husband left me with his friends… well lets just say we weren’t talking… since then we continue to do this… we’ve only hooked up that one time. A few stolen kisses but that’s it. I know I’m terrible but if I had the choice I would change it, but my heart pulls me towards this guy for unknown reasons..
So there I was, in church, thinking about my husbands bestfriend…
However since I was convinced it was my last day to live, I went with my husbands other bestfriend, (we’ll call him joe) to see actor friend. They wanted me to help them with something. My hubby refused to go (he hates leaving home ever) and so I went alone… later on joe invited us to go to his poetry reading downtown. I was reluctant to go as I knew where this was going to lead.. I knew it was what I had come for but obviously had a strong guard about actually going through with it..
However I was being forced to go with Joe, actor friend was adamantly insisting that my hubby would join us. After three phone calls and a very convincing speech the three of us set off downtown.
As the night went on Joe became aware of something between actor friend and I. We met up with a few other guys but it seemed like joe never took his eyes off us. We finally broke away to go check out the new bathrooms at a newly reno’d bar… needless to say it was a bad idea.. as soon as we were alone we started going at each other, kissing and grabbing.. quite the display.. the night ended when I dropped joe off first (actor friend pretended he was too drunk to drive) Joe was not happy about being dropped off first, even tho it made perfect sence for him to be… it was almost like he knew…
Never the less this was what I came for and we ended up hanging out back at his place until 5 in the morning.. He kept saying, “you’re my baby, at least for tonight”. It felt so right and it was exactly what I wanted to hear, this boy has no idea the kind of effect he has on me…
Anyways I’ll cut to the chase, it was 6am in the morning by the time I got home, it was the official day of my hubbys bday, and he was raging mad. Not that I could blamb him. I was hardly in the mood to speak as I had only an hour before I had to get up for work..
However I slept so soundly in that hour.. only to wake up, call my hubby to have him hang up on me, I leave for work, driving all of 5 mins onto the highway where a mini transport truck decided to cut me off and I slam into the back of him without even hitting my breaks..
When I came too I didn’t know what to think.. I was happy to be alive, although covered in blood, my arms worked, my legs worked, I seemed to be ok. A lady had rushed over and been helping me. She called my hubby for me, who hung up on me again… quite humorous now..
Anyways all in all I ended up down at the hospital with my mother, my hubby came later and I was all ok except my arm.. (I’ve got some tendon damage I find out later) the docs were so surprised that I had survived the accident, and my car was an absolute write off.. no piece could be restored…
So right now you are all prob still judging me about actor friend. But Isn’t it weird how I had this feeling about dying and almost did?
It had been a crazy week, I had three clients to meet with on my side jobs, I had been over at my parents house twice as my little brother had run away since he was caught smoking pot, and I was planning my hubbys 24th bday on Friday. I had a lot on my plate and my mind was spinning not aware of what else could happen.. His party came and we had a great time, all his friends came over and we had a big bash in the apartment the supers were called at least three times… I invited two girls who I used to work with. Big mistake.. Anyways all my best friends didn’t come. And I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was my last chance to see everyone. As usual the hubbys friends were hitting on me, we all get along as one big group.
Sunday morning came and the pit I had in my tummy, grew to full size. I was sitting in church and realized that this could be my very last day to live. Instantly I panicked, I agree what a weird thought… but that’s all I knew. So I asked myself what I had to do. And the answer wasn’t what.. it was who. .. My hubbys best friend… oh boy I know what you’re thinking… how can I say all these sweet things about my hubby in one minute and then talk about his bestfriend in the next… believe me If I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be writing this blog..
So me and actor bestfriend. We’ve kind of always had a thing.. since me and hubby started dating… there’s always been those suggestive looks and winks, extra long hugs, and silent moments. At my own wedding even… anyways during the winter, one extremely drunk night when my husband left me with his friends… well lets just say we weren’t talking… since then we continue to do this… we’ve only hooked up that one time. A few stolen kisses but that’s it. I know I’m terrible but if I had the choice I would change it, but my heart pulls me towards this guy for unknown reasons..
So there I was, in church, thinking about my husbands bestfriend…
However since I was convinced it was my last day to live, I went with my husbands other bestfriend, (we’ll call him joe) to see actor friend. They wanted me to help them with something. My hubby refused to go (he hates leaving home ever) and so I went alone… later on joe invited us to go to his poetry reading downtown. I was reluctant to go as I knew where this was going to lead.. I knew it was what I had come for but obviously had a strong guard about actually going through with it..
However I was being forced to go with Joe, actor friend was adamantly insisting that my hubby would join us. After three phone calls and a very convincing speech the three of us set off downtown.
As the night went on Joe became aware of something between actor friend and I. We met up with a few other guys but it seemed like joe never took his eyes off us. We finally broke away to go check out the new bathrooms at a newly reno’d bar… needless to say it was a bad idea.. as soon as we were alone we started going at each other, kissing and grabbing.. quite the display.. the night ended when I dropped joe off first (actor friend pretended he was too drunk to drive) Joe was not happy about being dropped off first, even tho it made perfect sence for him to be… it was almost like he knew…
Never the less this was what I came for and we ended up hanging out back at his place until 5 in the morning.. He kept saying, “you’re my baby, at least for tonight”. It felt so right and it was exactly what I wanted to hear, this boy has no idea the kind of effect he has on me…
Anyways I’ll cut to the chase, it was 6am in the morning by the time I got home, it was the official day of my hubbys bday, and he was raging mad. Not that I could blamb him. I was hardly in the mood to speak as I had only an hour before I had to get up for work..
However I slept so soundly in that hour.. only to wake up, call my hubby to have him hang up on me, I leave for work, driving all of 5 mins onto the highway where a mini transport truck decided to cut me off and I slam into the back of him without even hitting my breaks..
When I came too I didn’t know what to think.. I was happy to be alive, although covered in blood, my arms worked, my legs worked, I seemed to be ok. A lady had rushed over and been helping me. She called my hubby for me, who hung up on me again… quite humorous now..
Anyways all in all I ended up down at the hospital with my mother, my hubby came later and I was all ok except my arm.. (I’ve got some tendon damage I find out later) the docs were so surprised that I had survived the accident, and my car was an absolute write off.. no piece could be restored…
So right now you are all prob still judging me about actor friend. But Isn’t it weird how I had this feeling about dying and almost did?
20T: The Deal
Well considering it's my first official post and you all know nothing about me I Suppose I should give you some background info about my life. I’ll keep this short as it may spoil the surprises later
I’m a 22 year old female, long blond hair, greeny-blue eyes, with a striving career and an attitude to match. I’m also a shop-a-holic, for anything...
Life has been peachy, but as 2007 ended I realized that I was not living for myself nor feeling fulfilled at the end of the day. I was full of regret of things I did not do and had not yet done. I suppose it’s a typical 20 something thought… I thought I had already gone through all this as a teenager but apparently not. Apparently I am now trying to do the inevitable.. “find myself”
So therefore in this light began my life in 2008, I joined a gym, got a personal trainer, changed my job, learned how to apply make-up, and got ready to challenge the world again.
I was known as quite the work-a-holic with a full time job plus two businesses on the side. Very driven and aggressive. I suppose I should also let you know that I got married in 2006. To my high school sweet heart and the love of my life. However things are just never that simple are they?
My life however unfolded in my mind exactly 5 weeks ago when I was in a near death accident. I tell you, you’re never more alive then in the moment that you think it’s all over. Another interesting story of which I am sure this subject we will broach again soon.. However since the accident, through weeks of pills and pain, doctor visits and x-rays, physio and therapy, I decided that if I did die then, I had lead an unfulfilled life. I thought about all the things I wanted to do and just what went on the few days before the accident. I decided that I work way too much and party way to little.
So with these goals in mind I am beginning my adventure of “Twenty something Trouble”
To see my life, to feel my life, and to love my life
I’m a 22 year old female, long blond hair, greeny-blue eyes, with a striving career and an attitude to match. I’m also a shop-a-holic, for anything...
Life has been peachy, but as 2007 ended I realized that I was not living for myself nor feeling fulfilled at the end of the day. I was full of regret of things I did not do and had not yet done. I suppose it’s a typical 20 something thought… I thought I had already gone through all this as a teenager but apparently not. Apparently I am now trying to do the inevitable.. “find myself”
So therefore in this light began my life in 2008, I joined a gym, got a personal trainer, changed my job, learned how to apply make-up, and got ready to challenge the world again.
I was known as quite the work-a-holic with a full time job plus two businesses on the side. Very driven and aggressive. I suppose I should also let you know that I got married in 2006. To my high school sweet heart and the love of my life. However things are just never that simple are they?
My life however unfolded in my mind exactly 5 weeks ago when I was in a near death accident. I tell you, you’re never more alive then in the moment that you think it’s all over. Another interesting story of which I am sure this subject we will broach again soon.. However since the accident, through weeks of pills and pain, doctor visits and x-rays, physio and therapy, I decided that if I did die then, I had lead an unfulfilled life. I thought about all the things I wanted to do and just what went on the few days before the accident. I decided that I work way too much and party way to little.
- I quit my two side businesses and accepted that I am going to have less money to spend
- I realized that the friends I have are too far away and I must get out of my comfort zone to find new ones
- I realized that I need to get back to my highschool weight
- I need to sort out my... "love triangles/squares/hexegons?"
- I must dance! Since I have always wanted to do so.
So with these goals in mind I am beginning my adventure of “Twenty something Trouble”
To see my life, to feel my life, and to love my life
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)