So this weekend, again hubby and I didn't do much. We've been sittin in the jacuzzi all week, going to bed early its been really nice. We were plannen a major vacation but we decided against it due to finances. we want to save.. so Sat we went shoppen! We bought a fancy camera, rented a ton of movies, and got some new clothes. Once again supposed to be an uneventful weekend.. then I get a call from Micki. She wanted to come over as she was super upset thinking about her ex BF whome she broke up with from Cali. So she came over and we watched a bunch of movies (She doesnt have TV at home and therefore thats all she wants to do!) It was like 12:30 and I was dyiing to go to bed! so I told her that and asked her if she was gonna head out.. hint hint! anyways so she says NO! says shes gonna stay the night if thats cool.. and well i guess so what am I gonna say? (I hate been crampen in on my weekend time alone!) so she stays over and borrows a pair of PJ pants.
well the next morning hubby and I were up early... usually Sun morning romp but we couldnt since we knew micki was in the next room.. so he went downstairs and I went out to make coffee and grab our new camera. well to my absolute shock when I walk out of my bedroom and smack bang into Actor-friend. I took a double take and rubbed my eyes. He's like "..hey.." I just stared, and then smiled and said hey, grabbed my camera and retreated into the dining room. THAT LITTLE SLUT!!! I had given her actor-friends number right before Micki went to bed. since she said she had been talking to him. she has been so moopy over her xbf whom she dumped but has no problem climbing into bed with the next guy!!! I couldnt believe it! anyways actor-friend came in to talk to me and I was cool and level-headed. He said something about how hott I looked in my morning hair and I mumbled thanks and then took off to find hubby.
byt the end of the morning they both stayed and watched another ovie with hubby and I. I had found mickis pantys in the middle of the living room floor - which my dog was chewing on and I was just discusted... I found out they had only chatted and not hooked up, just slept in the same bed. And she hadnt worn any underwear with my PJs which I thought was mor unhygenic and discusting and I told her to keep them and shes never borrowing anything from me again.. (you just have to know her.. I love her, but she is not the cleanest person, and that grossed me out to no end!) also grossed me out that actor-friend would do anything with her.. she is so gross. So I have mentally washed my hands of him... I feel like I may puke out of discust.
Anyways so micki and actor-friend finally left. I go on my facebook like an hour later and theres a msg from actor-friend tellin me how smoking hott I looked that morning and that wow and shit. I just deleted it. sounded like something a player would do trying to patch up the fact that he was caught. even tho he knew I would see him becuase he stayed at my house. but dont play friends against friends.
anyways I had already decided that I was over him because we just found out that Greg and Kens gf had been sneaking around on Ken. its caused this huge riff in the circle of friends (obv) and I decided right then and there I wasnt going to be the next to do that.. and now that actor-friends w/ micki weather or not he used her as an excuse to see me... I'm done. even if he never touched her. she is just so dirty.
Anyways so this was more a bitch-out then a post but meh... hope u all had a good weekend!
Monday, January 19, 2009
20T: Who's Who
Well since I have been writing this for a while now, I thought I'd bring you all up-to-speed on who the players are in this story. That, and so I can remember everyone's pseudonym
Me - married to hubby - has crush on actor-friend, continually boycrazy, and trying to do the inevitable.. “find myself”
Micky - one of my girlfriends - just came back from Cali, also seems to have a crush on actor-friend and Joe
Emma - my best friend - currently married and having a baby
Lacy - girlfriend - has a boyfriend, hooked up with actor-friend a few times
Tia - girlfriend - married, has hooked up with Ken and Joe (before marriage)
Paris - girlfriend - almost hooked up with Greg
Hubby - married to me - all around funny and great guy
Joe - hubbys bestfriend - nice guy, down to earth, looks out for everyone, hooked up with Tia
Actor-friend - hubbys close friend - gorgeous, actor/model, hooked up with Lacy, and maybe Micki, and me
Ken - hubbys friend - dating a girl, hooked up with Tia, flirts with me
Joel - hubbys friend - hates women right now, knocked up a girl, used to flirt with me
Greg - hubbys friend - super nice guy, is in love with Kens girlfriend
Alright so theres the main players.
Me - married to hubby - has crush on actor-friend, continually boycrazy, and trying to do the inevitable.. “find myself”
Micky - one of my girlfriends - just came back from Cali, also seems to have a crush on actor-friend and Joe
Emma - my best friend - currently married and having a baby
Lacy - girlfriend - has a boyfriend, hooked up with actor-friend a few times
Tia - girlfriend - married, has hooked up with Ken and Joe (before marriage)
Paris - girlfriend - almost hooked up with Greg
Hubby - married to me - all around funny and great guy
Joe - hubbys bestfriend - nice guy, down to earth, looks out for everyone, hooked up with Tia
Actor-friend - hubbys close friend - gorgeous, actor/model, hooked up with Lacy, and maybe Micki, and me
Ken - hubbys friend - dating a girl, hooked up with Tia, flirts with me
Joel - hubbys friend - hates women right now, knocked up a girl, used to flirt with me
Greg - hubbys friend - super nice guy, is in love with Kens girlfriend
Alright so theres the main players.
Monday, January 12, 2009
20T: Balls-y
Well this weekend certainly wasn't supposed to be an interesting one... in fact I was quite upset about it and resorted to watching Top Gun yet again to fantasize about actor-friend. I love him, really, I know it now.. but right... cant have him...
so since hubby and I were getten over being sick we had cancelled all plans for the weekend, but as Sat afternoon rolled around we were getting stir-crazy! bored out of our minds! so a bunch of our friends were goen out for dinner for Ken's bday then there was this comedy/dance show thing afterwards (that I had originaly got everyone to buy tickets for, then I ended up bailing)... hubby and I debated weather to go then decided what the hey... we can always go home. Well when we got there actor-friend was there and I was in heaven.. like usual I tried to play it cool but I was just so excitied to see him. He was buggen hubby and I to go to the comedy show.. even tho we wernt sure we ended u going, and lucky me hubby ended up driven Joe and actor-friend there. Well guess who got to sit in the backseat beside each other! haha actor-friend and I, "the two lightest" was my reasoning.. anyways so things went for an interesting spin here... normally I dont push my luck and play it cool but we were talking about our core group of friends and how awesome it is. Just as we were pullen into the club actor-friend said "I just wish there was someone in our group I could get with... " I whispered in his ear "there is" and winked. haha he had this big smile, and grabbed me and gave me a little tickle and mouthed "your bad" as hubby sitten in the front of the car. so anyways we go in and sit in our groups.. the comedy was the worst I had ever heard, not one laugh! I was picken out girls for actor-friend to try to hit on. then I got bored of that and decided to hang out with the girls to get some attention and try to make him jelous.. seemed to work... for the rest of the night we kept "banging into each other" at the bar.. touching base and chatten. at one point we were talking about how he doesnt have a gf and he just looked at me, and said "if it wasnt for hubby you'd be mine" chills ran up my spine and butterflies were spinnin in my tummy. alls I said back was "that reason isnt good enough"... then ended up walking away...
i mean i know it is what it is.. im married... to his BF... but I cant help it.. I cant shut my heart off...
anyways so we were dancing and stuff the rest of the night, it was a really great night with actor-friend, hubby, and the rest of our friends..
On the way home things got interesting...
actor-friend was in a bad mood... and I was maken small talk but he was kinda quiet.. or frustrated... humm... anyways so we had a blanket over us cuz it was freezen.. when he grabbed my hand... so we were sitten there holding hands. sliding our fingers up and down each others hands while keepen up a normal conver with Joe and hubby... naturally things picked up and we were soon gropping each other and I had him unzipped and standing at attention... I kept whispering seductive things in his ear and he kept blowen me kisses and staring at me... but in the end that was it, since we couldnt figure out a way to continue our little session...
So thats where we left off last.... I wake up yesturday with a facebook msg "you... you you you you" lol I wrote back, "I think we need to finish what we started" so we will see how this goes.
But it totally made my weekend. I mean stupid I guess, hubbys in the front seat. But doesnt that just prove how much I like this guy? anyways I dono, but I'm already dying to see him again... Hope you guys all had a good weekend!
so since hubby and I were getten over being sick we had cancelled all plans for the weekend, but as Sat afternoon rolled around we were getting stir-crazy! bored out of our minds! so a bunch of our friends were goen out for dinner for Ken's bday then there was this comedy/dance show thing afterwards (that I had originaly got everyone to buy tickets for, then I ended up bailing)... hubby and I debated weather to go then decided what the hey... we can always go home. Well when we got there actor-friend was there and I was in heaven.. like usual I tried to play it cool but I was just so excitied to see him. He was buggen hubby and I to go to the comedy show.. even tho we wernt sure we ended u going, and lucky me hubby ended up driven Joe and actor-friend there. Well guess who got to sit in the backseat beside each other! haha actor-friend and I, "the two lightest" was my reasoning.. anyways so things went for an interesting spin here... normally I dont push my luck and play it cool but we were talking about our core group of friends and how awesome it is. Just as we were pullen into the club actor-friend said "I just wish there was someone in our group I could get with... " I whispered in his ear "there is" and winked. haha he had this big smile, and grabbed me and gave me a little tickle and mouthed "your bad" as hubby sitten in the front of the car. so anyways we go in and sit in our groups.. the comedy was the worst I had ever heard, not one laugh! I was picken out girls for actor-friend to try to hit on. then I got bored of that and decided to hang out with the girls to get some attention and try to make him jelous.. seemed to work... for the rest of the night we kept "banging into each other" at the bar.. touching base and chatten. at one point we were talking about how he doesnt have a gf and he just looked at me, and said "if it wasnt for hubby you'd be mine" chills ran up my spine and butterflies were spinnin in my tummy. alls I said back was "that reason isnt good enough"... then ended up walking away...
i mean i know it is what it is.. im married... to his BF... but I cant help it.. I cant shut my heart off...
anyways so we were dancing and stuff the rest of the night, it was a really great night with actor-friend, hubby, and the rest of our friends..
On the way home things got interesting...
actor-friend was in a bad mood... and I was maken small talk but he was kinda quiet.. or frustrated... humm... anyways so we had a blanket over us cuz it was freezen.. when he grabbed my hand... so we were sitten there holding hands. sliding our fingers up and down each others hands while keepen up a normal conver with Joe and hubby... naturally things picked up and we were soon gropping each other and I had him unzipped and standing at attention... I kept whispering seductive things in his ear and he kept blowen me kisses and staring at me... but in the end that was it, since we couldnt figure out a way to continue our little session...
So thats where we left off last.... I wake up yesturday with a facebook msg "you... you you you you" lol I wrote back, "I think we need to finish what we started" so we will see how this goes.
But it totally made my weekend. I mean stupid I guess, hubbys in the front seat. But doesnt that just prove how much I like this guy? anyways I dono, but I'm already dying to see him again... Hope you guys all had a good weekend!
Monday, January 5, 2009
20T: My life the soap opera
ok So Friday (new Years Day) actor-friend facebooked me back about the story he said it was cool. Then he facebooked me again and asked what my e-mail was and if I'm ever on msn. I gave it to him, but said I'm never on msn but I will go on till the end of the movie i'm watching.. (I just started watching Anne of Green Gables the Sequel.. what can I say, I am a borring good girl at heart)
So I went on and not 2 minutes later he was on, we were both chatting. We talked for 4 hours it was redic. We started at like 7 and continued till 12. It was actually a great chat. although didnt make things easy since the bottom line seemed to be we both want it but its not right so whats the point. Anyways since hubby was going to be at work the next day I told him that.. and he said maybe we could go for coffee. Well I was excitied and freaked out about it. Because then its planned and stuff.. anyways actor-friend said we should sleep on it and he'd call me tomorrow afternoon...well I knew it would never happen, it would just be weird i think..
but tomorrow afternoon rolled around and no phone call came.. like not even the decency to call and bail out.. damn i was hurt. i put my heart out and was hurt. gutted.
well that afternoon my mom popped over, and two different friends popped over, and hubby came home early.. so doublely glad i didnt end up going on a lil date with him.. busted for sure..
Anyways well that night all the guys and Micki came over for a party. but I was kinda upset about what happened. I just felt like a loser.. like I'm gorgeous why do I waste my time on this guy? anyways so I had a whole bottle of wine before everyone even got there.. Micki and I were supposed to go to a movie which obv wasnt even happening any more..
anyways so I tried to be cool and play hard to get and ignor him but I was drunk.. I mean I didnt say much at first.. and eventually we got left alone downstairs for a few minutes and he came up to kiss me. and I turned my face and said thats not what you want. and then he said alright and walked away. and stupidly STUPIDLY I called him back and said it is what I wanted... and we made out..
then I went back upstairs. I went downstairs later looking for something and ran into him. and he was sleeping on the couch and I dont really remember cuz i was tanked but I think there was something about me coming to sleep with him, and I was begging him not to go home.. anyways so I was back upstairs playing a game. Micki went to bed in the spare bedroom, and hubby kicked actor-friend upstairs to sleep with Micki (I coulda killed him) So he was in there for a bit and I could hear giggling and stuff but who am I to get jelous? so I chilled with Joe and we were singing and playing guitar.. and then actor-friend comes out and said something to hubby about him not feeling right about sleeping with Micki. and I was glowing, I totally thought that was meant for me..
anyways ok so the night ended, Joe wouldnt leave us alone so I went to bed. I didnt sleep at all: so afraid actor-friend would leave, I kept waking up and checking to see if he was still there..
Then wen I noticed he did leave I went outside to say goodbye, he couldnt find his keys, I knew where they were but didnt want him to leave. so I helped him find them... finally I gave them to him and he was gone..
I find out later from hubby that actor-friend asked him if he thought Micki would sleep with him...
Micki told me that actor-friend was hitting on her hardcore...and trying to roll her over and kiss her and stuff
Wow. I am way too into this guy... anyways it broke my heart hearing all this stuff.. but I was like common, you make out with hubby, you almost made out with that Greg guy on New years, you would have done the same thing.. but still. I am so into this guy and I cant have him.
So it gets worse, hubby and I end up getting sick and we start watching movies.. well the first one was Jerry McQuire.. and damn Tom looks a but like actorfriend.. actually a lot like actor-friend... no no u are just thinking about him.. then we watched Alpha Dog, and Im like wow emile hursh kinda looks like actor-friend, specially with the scruff..
then I watch top-guy. I had never seen any of these movies before btw (top-gun, jerry mcquire)
wow. Actor-friend looks so so like Tom cruise in top gun, and their personalities are so similar and their body languages and the way he touches that girl and damn.
So I lost it. I ended up watching top gun again last night and cried myself to sleep. Once again I put my heart out when actor-friend pulled his back in.
Like how is that fair?
on the bright side Chad facebooked me... he seemed quite excitied to talk to me, guess I made an empression the other night.
However I dont want to get hurt by Chad. and I gotta stop feeling the way I do with actor-friend
like what the hell. how did i go from being stone cold against the guy to begging him to stay and haven my heart broken.. like obsessed!
I need a backbone and a game plan ladies... any advice?
So I went on and not 2 minutes later he was on, we were both chatting. We talked for 4 hours it was redic. We started at like 7 and continued till 12. It was actually a great chat. although didnt make things easy since the bottom line seemed to be we both want it but its not right so whats the point. Anyways since hubby was going to be at work the next day I told him that.. and he said maybe we could go for coffee. Well I was excitied and freaked out about it. Because then its planned and stuff.. anyways actor-friend said we should sleep on it and he'd call me tomorrow afternoon...well I knew it would never happen, it would just be weird i think..
but tomorrow afternoon rolled around and no phone call came.. like not even the decency to call and bail out.. damn i was hurt. i put my heart out and was hurt. gutted.
well that afternoon my mom popped over, and two different friends popped over, and hubby came home early.. so doublely glad i didnt end up going on a lil date with him.. busted for sure..
Anyways well that night all the guys and Micki came over for a party. but I was kinda upset about what happened. I just felt like a loser.. like I'm gorgeous why do I waste my time on this guy? anyways so I had a whole bottle of wine before everyone even got there.. Micki and I were supposed to go to a movie which obv wasnt even happening any more..
anyways so I tried to be cool and play hard to get and ignor him but I was drunk.. I mean I didnt say much at first.. and eventually we got left alone downstairs for a few minutes and he came up to kiss me. and I turned my face and said thats not what you want. and then he said alright and walked away. and stupidly STUPIDLY I called him back and said it is what I wanted... and we made out..
then I went back upstairs. I went downstairs later looking for something and ran into him. and he was sleeping on the couch and I dont really remember cuz i was tanked but I think there was something about me coming to sleep with him, and I was begging him not to go home.. anyways so I was back upstairs playing a game. Micki went to bed in the spare bedroom, and hubby kicked actor-friend upstairs to sleep with Micki (I coulda killed him) So he was in there for a bit and I could hear giggling and stuff but who am I to get jelous? so I chilled with Joe and we were singing and playing guitar.. and then actor-friend comes out and said something to hubby about him not feeling right about sleeping with Micki. and I was glowing, I totally thought that was meant for me..
anyways ok so the night ended, Joe wouldnt leave us alone so I went to bed. I didnt sleep at all: so afraid actor-friend would leave, I kept waking up and checking to see if he was still there..
Then wen I noticed he did leave I went outside to say goodbye, he couldnt find his keys, I knew where they were but didnt want him to leave. so I helped him find them... finally I gave them to him and he was gone..
I find out later from hubby that actor-friend asked him if he thought Micki would sleep with him...
Micki told me that actor-friend was hitting on her hardcore...and trying to roll her over and kiss her and stuff
Wow. I am way too into this guy... anyways it broke my heart hearing all this stuff.. but I was like common, you make out with hubby, you almost made out with that Greg guy on New years, you would have done the same thing.. but still. I am so into this guy and I cant have him.
So it gets worse, hubby and I end up getting sick and we start watching movies.. well the first one was Jerry McQuire.. and damn Tom looks a but like actorfriend.. actually a lot like actor-friend... no no u are just thinking about him.. then we watched Alpha Dog, and Im like wow emile hursh kinda looks like actor-friend, specially with the scruff..
then I watch top-guy. I had never seen any of these movies before btw (top-gun, jerry mcquire)
wow. Actor-friend looks so so like Tom cruise in top gun, and their personalities are so similar and their body languages and the way he touches that girl and damn.
So I lost it. I ended up watching top gun again last night and cried myself to sleep. Once again I put my heart out when actor-friend pulled his back in.
Like how is that fair?
on the bright side Chad facebooked me... he seemed quite excitied to talk to me, guess I made an empression the other night.
However I dont want to get hurt by Chad. and I gotta stop feeling the way I do with actor-friend
like what the hell. how did i go from being stone cold against the guy to begging him to stay and haven my heart broken.. like obsessed!
I need a backbone and a game plan ladies... any advice?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
20T: So much for resoultions...
So New Years, new ideals, new resoultions.
I sat down yesturday to decide on what my new years resoulutions would be. I had quite a few, but the ones worth mentioning is I want to lose 20 more pounds, and I have decided to be faithful. With these clear goals in mind I got ready to celebrate the new year!
We were at a dinner with friends and invited to a house party afterword. I went to the mall and picked up a sexy dress but didnt end up wearing it. Apparently actor-friend wasn't going to be there, he was going up north with some chick. But I really felt like he would be there. It was like it was already starting. However I was ready to give back the ring we exchanged at my wedding and positive that we could be just good buddies. Anyways so hubby and I almost didnt go to the party but after like 10 phonecalls from his friends we ended up going. Ken got me on the phone and was like you have to come actor-boy is going to be there.. like what the heck.. why do people think I care if actor-friend was going to be there... anyways determined to prove that I loved my hubby and that I was a good wife we set off to the party with a bottle of wine in tote.
Now I havent drunk in a while... I didnt even know I could drink, but once we got there all our friends were there and Ken grabbed my bottle of wine, popped her, and poured me a huge glass. So I went and chilled with the ladies.. I was having a great time, drinking and such. And sure enough actor-friend showed up. I didnt say hello at all, I continued chatting away with the girls. I saw his eyes but never met them. Anyways so I moved over to the bar and started chatting with this funny guy named Ricardo and this other boy named Greg. Ken comes over and goes into a loud announcement about how great my boobs looked and how I should cover up but don't.. I laughed it off, but covered up, but kinda worried as his gf was there... anyways so the count down began, I still hadn't talked to actor-friend. But new years went off and I was making out with hubby for quite a while before I started making my rounds with the rest of the guests. Ken grabbed me and was giving me a huge hug and actor-friend came up behind me and was hugging me from behind. Well I guess they got carried away with hands and what not and a few comments about a threesome and Kens girlfriend apparently got super pissed. Anyways so that was it for Ken, he told me he wasnt aloud to talk to me for the rest of the night. Which to me was totally redic. anyways I didnt do anything, he was being a little touchy I guess. anyways so back to actor-friend. so I ended up walking away from actor-friend after the hug and started talking to Greg again. I checked in with hubby a few more times throughout the night and gave him sexy kisses. So anyways I dono what happened but finally actor-friend and I were left alone in a spot. two seconds and we were making out. I ended up walking away from it, throwing my hands up in frustration. Anyways I was out with the girls, when Ken and his gf left, apparently they were still fighting about me, my hubby left with orders to actor-friend to take me home (how convenient), and actor-friend had made Greg leave (apparently he flipped on him for talking to me, so jelous). anyways so I was in the garage having a smoke with the girls, no I dont smoke but I was drunk, and actor-friend came out, after 5 minutes we were left alone again. Started making out again... seriously I dont know what happened....
Anyways so everyone was starting to leave the party it was about 330am and Joe grabs me. He like usual had followed actor-friend and I around the house everytime we were talking, his eyes bored into my back as if to see the thoughts and wants of our hearts. Joe demanded that I come home with him. I just looked at him shoked. I told him hubby asked actor-friend to take me home but he was like no your coming home with us right? I was so shoked and so pissed. Sick and tired of being treated like a child, for always having a bodyguard...
I agreed though, I didnt really want to end up with actor-friend, I really was wanting to be good. anyways I couldnt find my jacket and purse and actor-friend grabed me and was like what are you doing. I said I was going home with Joe, that I didnt want to fight. Then Joe calls over are you coming? And actor-friend freaks on Joe saying hubby asked him to drive me home and that he will in like 20 minutes. I was furious and stormed away from both of them. as if they can have that much control over such a stupid thing. Let me go home with whom I want. Am I child that you can protect? Like what is Joes problem. Anyways today I bitched to hubby all about what happened. All he said was I did ask actor-friend to drive you home. and that Joe and actor-friend both love me in different ways. I do not understand how my hubby is so oblivious. Although with Joe, I know he loves me as a friend, but does he protect me becuz of hubby, or does he hate that actor-friend holds my attention over him. I have yet to figure this out...
Anyways ok so Joe left and actor-friend was taking me home. We left around 400am and 2 seconds into being in the car, we were at it. We drove off to a parking lot, and were making out and what not. The farthest we went, I gave him a BJ, but I didnt even want to I just did because I did and I knew he wanted it. I dono I have mixed feelings about it all. I dono we were out until 7am in that lot. Talking and making out. He kept telling me we should just run away together, that he loved me, that we should go to Vegas and get married. That it killed him that I wasnt talking to him, and that I was talking to Greg earlier in the night. He said he is always drawn to me and he wants to find someone just like me. I mean I kept teasing him with all his comments. But I couldnt say I loved him back. I was just so confused and mad but felt like I wasn't doing anything wrong. I just wanted to stay with him, and sleep with him, wake up with him. His skin is so soft, and he's got such nice arms and hands. He's got a sexy little trail and some chest hair which he trims. He has like the 5:00 shadow going on, which chapped my lips abit but was still so soft. It took everything outta me not to strip down and just do it. ahhhhh and here I am today. Confused. Like what am I doing? and so much for resolutions. And I mean sex would prob ruin it. Half the fun is sneaking in kisses, and not so innocent chattings.
Anyways so what am I to do now. Life gets so complicated. and I am much younger then I realize. I am going to see Chad this weekend as well... I am a silly girl.
I sat down yesturday to decide on what my new years resoulutions would be. I had quite a few, but the ones worth mentioning is I want to lose 20 more pounds, and I have decided to be faithful. With these clear goals in mind I got ready to celebrate the new year!
We were at a dinner with friends and invited to a house party afterword. I went to the mall and picked up a sexy dress but didnt end up wearing it. Apparently actor-friend wasn't going to be there, he was going up north with some chick. But I really felt like he would be there. It was like it was already starting. However I was ready to give back the ring we exchanged at my wedding and positive that we could be just good buddies. Anyways so hubby and I almost didnt go to the party but after like 10 phonecalls from his friends we ended up going. Ken got me on the phone and was like you have to come actor-boy is going to be there.. like what the heck.. why do people think I care if actor-friend was going to be there... anyways determined to prove that I loved my hubby and that I was a good wife we set off to the party with a bottle of wine in tote.
Now I havent drunk in a while... I didnt even know I could drink, but once we got there all our friends were there and Ken grabbed my bottle of wine, popped her, and poured me a huge glass. So I went and chilled with the ladies.. I was having a great time, drinking and such. And sure enough actor-friend showed up. I didnt say hello at all, I continued chatting away with the girls. I saw his eyes but never met them. Anyways so I moved over to the bar and started chatting with this funny guy named Ricardo and this other boy named Greg. Ken comes over and goes into a loud announcement about how great my boobs looked and how I should cover up but don't.. I laughed it off, but covered up, but kinda worried as his gf was there... anyways so the count down began, I still hadn't talked to actor-friend. But new years went off and I was making out with hubby for quite a while before I started making my rounds with the rest of the guests. Ken grabbed me and was giving me a huge hug and actor-friend came up behind me and was hugging me from behind. Well I guess they got carried away with hands and what not and a few comments about a threesome and Kens girlfriend apparently got super pissed. Anyways so that was it for Ken, he told me he wasnt aloud to talk to me for the rest of the night. Which to me was totally redic. anyways I didnt do anything, he was being a little touchy I guess. anyways so back to actor-friend. so I ended up walking away from actor-friend after the hug and started talking to Greg again. I checked in with hubby a few more times throughout the night and gave him sexy kisses. So anyways I dono what happened but finally actor-friend and I were left alone in a spot. two seconds and we were making out. I ended up walking away from it, throwing my hands up in frustration. Anyways I was out with the girls, when Ken and his gf left, apparently they were still fighting about me, my hubby left with orders to actor-friend to take me home (how convenient), and actor-friend had made Greg leave (apparently he flipped on him for talking to me, so jelous). anyways so I was in the garage having a smoke with the girls, no I dont smoke but I was drunk, and actor-friend came out, after 5 minutes we were left alone again. Started making out again... seriously I dont know what happened....
Anyways so everyone was starting to leave the party it was about 330am and Joe grabs me. He like usual had followed actor-friend and I around the house everytime we were talking, his eyes bored into my back as if to see the thoughts and wants of our hearts. Joe demanded that I come home with him. I just looked at him shoked. I told him hubby asked actor-friend to take me home but he was like no your coming home with us right? I was so shoked and so pissed. Sick and tired of being treated like a child, for always having a bodyguard...
I agreed though, I didnt really want to end up with actor-friend, I really was wanting to be good. anyways I couldnt find my jacket and purse and actor-friend grabed me and was like what are you doing. I said I was going home with Joe, that I didnt want to fight. Then Joe calls over are you coming? And actor-friend freaks on Joe saying hubby asked him to drive me home and that he will in like 20 minutes. I was furious and stormed away from both of them. as if they can have that much control over such a stupid thing. Let me go home with whom I want. Am I child that you can protect? Like what is Joes problem. Anyways today I bitched to hubby all about what happened. All he said was I did ask actor-friend to drive you home. and that Joe and actor-friend both love me in different ways. I do not understand how my hubby is so oblivious. Although with Joe, I know he loves me as a friend, but does he protect me becuz of hubby, or does he hate that actor-friend holds my attention over him. I have yet to figure this out...
Anyways ok so Joe left and actor-friend was taking me home. We left around 400am and 2 seconds into being in the car, we were at it. We drove off to a parking lot, and were making out and what not. The farthest we went, I gave him a BJ, but I didnt even want to I just did because I did and I knew he wanted it. I dono I have mixed feelings about it all. I dono we were out until 7am in that lot. Talking and making out. He kept telling me we should just run away together, that he loved me, that we should go to Vegas and get married. That it killed him that I wasnt talking to him, and that I was talking to Greg earlier in the night. He said he is always drawn to me and he wants to find someone just like me. I mean I kept teasing him with all his comments. But I couldnt say I loved him back. I was just so confused and mad but felt like I wasn't doing anything wrong. I just wanted to stay with him, and sleep with him, wake up with him. His skin is so soft, and he's got such nice arms and hands. He's got a sexy little trail and some chest hair which he trims. He has like the 5:00 shadow going on, which chapped my lips abit but was still so soft. It took everything outta me not to strip down and just do it. ahhhhh and here I am today. Confused. Like what am I doing? and so much for resolutions. And I mean sex would prob ruin it. Half the fun is sneaking in kisses, and not so innocent chattings.
Anyways so what am I to do now. Life gets so complicated. and I am much younger then I realize. I am going to see Chad this weekend as well... I am a silly girl.
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