20T: Whaaaat? Did that just happen?

Ok so where to begin..

Friday Night was Ladies Night! And I went.. I almost chickened out several times but I went!

Worried about what to wear, I tried on every single outfit I had that could be worn at a club. I finally settled on a coral orange mini dress that hugged in all the right places and made me stand out. I was definitely happy with my choice knowing I would make a statement! With the outfit done I hopped in the shower for a spa like treatment (exfoliating, shaving, lavishing, conditioningI also put baby oil all over my legs for a smooth and shiny finish! ) Next I blew my hair out straight and added in blonde extensions. Really Hott!! So I finished my makeup and put on my dress, am ready to leave when I notice that the oil hadn’t been rubbed in enough on the top of my legs and I had stains on my dress on the back!! I was so upset! Needless to say I couldn’t get them out and had to change.. so I ended up with a mini black dress that had to back and the front pluged to my weist.. all in all I should have gone with this numba in the beginning.. true not a bright color, but damn I looked fierce…

So I met up with my gf and we headed over to her friends, as if I wasn’t worried about the night enough it turns out her friend lives right beside my extremely string uncle and aunt (who love telling on me btw!) Luckily I don’t think they ever saw me… anyways so we drank a bit there I met the girls we would be hanging out with and I was totally stoked! I figured I had made it and I found new friends! Anyways we got to the club and it was a pretty good night, but somehow I was bombed, I had three drinks over the perios of like 5 hours but I was bombed! Anyways luckily I had these girls who were protecting me from all the sleeze bags but not from them… haha I ended up making out with one of them!!! Which I know every girl does but.. I dono the next day it didn’t sit well with me.. I felt like I had lowered my own personal standards.. but we’ll get back to that thought… So anyways all in all the club was pretty awesome, we danced with a lot of guys (I tried pushing them away I really was there just for my girls!) A bouncer actually had to kick two guys out for me I find out later since they were stalking me and grabbing me (once again I was bombed..) but a good time had by all.

The next day we had my hubbies buddies stag and doe.. I was supposed to hang out with my gf from cali but she ditched me all weekend and then called me yesterday to say she was to depressed to go out. (our other friend already told me she hung out with her both days…) anyways! So the stag an doe.. my next time seeing actor-friend and ready for the game on! Figuring what to wear again.. I didn’t want to look over dressed but I didn’t want to blend in either.. I ended up in crock heals, a brown mini skirt, and a purple top. I curled my hair for the first time and looked hot (naturally! LOL)

So we get there and the 1^st guy e see was Joel, he just looks at me and goes “whoa” then cocks his head at hubby.. it was quite funny. He gave me this big hug and my hubby left me to get drinks and tickets. Then the rest of the guys came over to introduce themselves to me hahaha and all ended up giving me hugs.. I didn’t think I looked that diff with curly hair but whatever… so the night went on we were all drinking and hanging out actor-friend comes over and sits with me and Joe. Playing it cool I kind of ignor him as he tries to add in to Joes and my conversation. (we were looking around looking for potential hook-ups for him) and actor-friend chirps that he’s now into married women and stares at me. Like how cocky and stupid is that? I just said oh yea? And continued my conver… not to say I wasn’t intrigued but what he said or what he meant, and not like Joe would catch on.. ahh if he wasn’t so fricken hot and those damn eyes… anyways we were all dancing later (I kept my distance from actor-friend to his demise) anyways It was like 1:30 and I walked out of the bathroom only to have actor-friend grab me, pin me up against the wall, and start kissing me. I was so shoked by the boldness, afraid of getting caught, it was so heat.. it more ways then one.. anyways we heard footsteps and broke apart only to see Joe look at both of us and ask if everythings ok.. haha I died on the spot and murmered st and left the two of them chatten.. I went out the backstairs to run smack into Joel who was also drunk.. He was wearing this hat and put in on me we were jokin around up to this point and then hes like wow you look amazing in that hat.. no one looks good in that hat.. then the conversation went to all the things he could do to me and I quote “make me burn” he picked me up and sat me on the back of the truck and had his arms on both sides of my legs not letting me move or get down… anyways luckily my hubby and actor-friend and joe all came out right then and Joel backed off… but what the hell!? I was drunk but mad that I knew he was taken adv of that… anyways the boys decided we were going to go to a park around the corner… yea around the corner my ass.. we had to troup through a thick bush to get there, me in heals and a skirt, I wounded up with a million bites and scratches and Joel and actor-friend were both ”helping me” at every opportunity they saw… anyways after an eventless walk we stumbled into the park and hubby called a cab-van to take us all back to our place (there were 2 other guys with us) anyways I end up in the back with actor-friend beside me and Joel beside him.. I had already talked to actor-friend on our little “hike” about what was going on with Joel and he picked up the signals.. Joel was reaching behind him and caressing me, my hair, my butt, whatever he could touch and I couldn’t say a damn thing… I froze I didn’t know what to do! Anyways actor-friend was no help, I could see he was jelous and he just leaned forward and ignored it.

At home things didn’t go much better we were all hanging out when I went to lie down and pass out in the bedroom. Sure enough actor-friend and Joel and one of the other guys came in and were all chillen on the bed too (quite normal actually we’ve got a king and everyone loves chillen on it) the lights were off tho and Joels hands were going everywhere, up my skirt everything.. and I had actor-friend on the other side of me..

Anyways so that was bascally my night… so here are the conclusions.. I would never do anything with Joel, I’m not a random type a girl, and I am appalled at the fact that he would hit on his bff wife so hard.. True this is what actor-friend does but it’s different, we have a thing, feelings, and we’ve talked about it, not just some cheap drunken trick… anyways so I dono what to do about this Joel situation or even actor-friend..

But reflecting on my weekend I feel really slutty. Like a girl should be able to go out with her friends, hang out with her hubby have a good time and go home.. instead I feel guilty about everything because something unplanned always happens and I dono how to turn the events once in motion. I feel terrible… my hubby deserves better than this, and I don’t want to be treated like a skank… on the other half I wish my hubby would pay more attention to me when were out and maybe this shit wouldn’t happen.. I mean its obv his friends notice his lack of attention and presence..

However I’m not about to promise no more clubs and actor-friend.. man I am so screwed up!

20T: Lust, Lingerie, and Romance Novels

So I went shopping last night (I know I'm on a damn budget..but a girl has to spend..) Anyways I found the hottest bra and panty sets in La Senza! And since I'm on the road to being a sex kitten, Lingerie was a must! So I bought a leapord print & diamond bra and thong set, and a pinstriped with white lace bra and booty panty set. I LOOK SO SEXY!! haha I was so stoked and eager to get home and show them off... hubby IGNORS ME!! he was so mad that I had spent money he totally overlooked how amazing I looked! I was so pissed, as if he's not gonna drool over me.. didn't matter his friends came over later and they certainly did.. I'll get to that in a minute..

So romance novels, I don't know if you've ever read them but they are quite steamy! Since I'm taking the bus all the time now, having a book is the in thing... So I had gone to the library the other week and they recommended a bunch to me and I've read about three.. Seriously I sware it's why I've been so the prowl! Just ready to pen my own erotic read...

Anyways so the boys randomly came over for a wii night.. and ended up in a drunken state... I was making steaks and omelettes and cake at 3 in the morning! haha It was deff fun but I'm paying for it this morning... anyways I deff felt sexy last night knowing I looked so good underneath my clothes.. but once again me and actor-friend didn't pan out.. We were sitting together on the balcony I was half laying on him and my hubbys other bestfriend Joel comes over.. (three main buddies - Joe, Joel, and actor-friend, they've known each other since grade school).. I mean Joel's another hottie, but an asshole to women, and so damn cocky. He's not nearly as good looking as actor-friend or my hubby, but his whole attitude just puts me in my place, which is extremely hard to do.. anyways so he starts wrestling with actor-friend, pulls him off the couch and falls on me.. we were all laughing and stuff and then I went in to get something.. a while later actor-friend and I were sitting inside on opposite couches (hubby had gone to bed at this point) and I called him over to sit with me. Surprisingly he did and he pulled me into him and starting holding my hand and telling me he just wants to talk to me without everyone staring at us.. (there were about 5 other guys there including Joe.. I had basically ignored actor-boy so far) Anyways so we were finally getten a moment to talk when Joel stumbles in starts wrestling with actor-friend and kicks him off the couch and sits with me again. He starts laying on me and wraps my arms around him.. all I could do was look helplessly at actor-friend.. I was so mad, Joel was totally getting in the way. Well apparently so was actor-friend about 30 seconds later he just looked at me and then called to his buddies to leave.. leaving me there trapped under Joel like it was my fault... my eyes were begging actor-friend not to leave but he was clearly pissed..

anyways I can't believe Joel was doing this.. what is going on here? Then I half wondered if actor-friend had said anything? Anyways I went to bed and came to work this morning to get this facebook msg from actor-boy:

"if i had the money i would buy you a new computer. thanks for everything last night and this morning, the eggs, the hospitality and all that shiit. you kick butt"

(my computer broke so I couldnt work on his bands website) anyways not sure how to read this msg, I won't read into it but "you kick butt" ?? say what you really feel you know? bottom line, he's thinking about me.. haha cold shoulder routine worked.. and dare I say maybe even jelous?

anyways we'll see what happens this weekend...

In other news I got invited to a girls night out from a girl I banged into in La Senza I used to go to high school with her but we were never really friends, but she's cool. So I don't know what to do, they are predrinking at her place and then going downtown.. I dono if I should go. I've had so many late nights lately, and I'm so insecure about hanging out with new girls! I know I said I needed to friends and this is my opportunity... but still what do I do? and If I do go how do I act? what do I say?

ADVISE PLEASE!!!

20T: Game On

Well it's Hump Day!

I've gotta say I've certainly been doing a lot of that lately.. I know you didn't need to know that.. I dono what it is about fall.. anyways I read in this months cosmo that fall is a more the season to hook up in then any other.. I found that hard to believe but none the less am on the bandwagon.. of course it helps to have a hubby at your disposal.. oh well I'm sure he doesn't mind! I do have to say one thing.. I've always wanted to try that position that Leonardo D. pulls in the movie "The Beach" where there sitting on each other.. anyways finally did it and it was fabulous! I felt I was too fat to try it before... I didnt want the wave happening you know.. but damn it was good.. thats your homework for the weekend... try it..

Anyways so last night was week 4 of latin dancing! I'm getten the hang of it I think.. we started learning the meregue (cant spell) Anyways we were doing this hip roll thing and the instructor called me out infront of the whole class and called me Shakira and asked if I did belly dancing! I almost died. true I should have felt good, but I just got so embarrased, turned beat red and started cracking up.. I dono how this modeling gig will go.. I may not be serious enough.. could you imagine? Give me sexy, purs purs, haha I'm gonna cry..

So actor friend... I felt pretty beat after he hung up on me at the wedding, and then when he called out my cheap msg on facebook... He deff had the upper hand and I had shown him my cards.. I couldnt decide yesturday weather to apologize or to just stop trying to fix things before I made them worse... well I decided to apologize, and I made a joke outta what I had said.. I was worried all night that I was coming off too eager... (I know I'm married, but doesnt mean I can sit on the bench... the game is still going on!) anyways I made the right call.. he facebooked me this morning saying it wasnt a big deal and who cares.. he also asked me about this popular girl.. whom he didnt know I was friends with... (I'm always trying to hook him up with friends... seems stupid.. but it's not like I'm gonna date this guy.. plus the chase is all the fun! On the flip side it's another one of our ways to keep the conversation up between the two of us without anyone catching on that we're saying things inbetween.) so anyways bottom line. He needs me. lol. But this girl, shes true competition... usually the girls actor-friend goes for I'm never worried about, I know I'm sexier, classier, smarter, and funnier... but this girl... true I don't know her that well, but I always had a girl crush on her and her sister. Where I'm from these two rule the city.. true enough they have a sluty rep which is true but I wouldnt hold that against them.. if you do, that means you are outrightenly admitting your jelous if your a girl, or admitting they blew you off if your a guy...

however this premptive favor means we're back to square one with each other. And going with my new moto, I'm going to win this round... I seen how much actor-friend means to me and I'm not gonna let that rule my heart. I've been there before with Chad.. Therefore let the games begin. I will not msg him back right away, oh yea I'll be playing this old school. Next time I see him I will be cold and bored with his antics, however sexy and alluring inbetween to keep him hooked. This guy likes the chase, he likes the idea of a girl he can't get. That's exactly what I am... Lets see how hard this guy can work.... I'll keep you posted..

~ One sexy Biatch!

20T: Nothing Ever Goes as Planned

Well I meant to update this earlier... so much has happened in the week..

So it was finally Friday and I was deff stoked, knowing I was going to see Actor Friend and was anxious to see how the night would work out...

we did our usual. ignored each other at the beginning of the night, then started to give each other looks... and then we tried to conjure up senarios where we would end up alone... it was about 12:30 when I suggested we all go to the bar across the street to play pool.. actor friend immediately agreed both hoping that no one else would want to go, and we thought my hubby would go to bed. At first he said he wasn't going.. but then everyone came.. dammit..

things didnt go much better at the bar.. hubby and I got in a fight since some random guys hit on me.. (like thats my fault!) and then actor friend and I couldnt even say a word to each other without Joe staring us down... we got a small moment by the juke box, where he said under his breath" You are so beautiful". All I said was... Joe is staring at us.. we laughed.. and ended up leaving the bar frustrated..

When we got back to the apt a few more of my hubbys friends showed up... we were going in the elevator when the rest of the guys stopped for a minute and the elevator shut on actor friend and i. We finally had a moment alone. He asked to kiss me, and then came over to but the door opened up again... he jumped back and my hubby walked in... missed the moment again...

anyways the rest of the night we played scategories and nothin...

the next day Joe was having a BBQ at his house, actor friend called to see if we were going.. i said we wern't and he was dissapointed.. I ended up dragging my hubby there only to sit outside in the freezing cold and hear about wrestling all night.. i ended up reading a book..

Sunday was the wedding... and it was so so borring! Hubby suggested we invite actor friend to come after dinner.. random eh? however hubby and I ended up in a fight and he went home without me. I called actor friend and he said he'd come.. I told him I'd call him back in an hour. Well after an hour went by I was piss ass drunk with my 17 yr old bro, I had walked up to the mike and saranaded the bride and groom "tastefully" lol and I was back on the phone with actor friend. Who wasnt coming anymore, called out the fact that I was drunk and ended hanging up on me.. I ended up spilling the beans to my bro about how broken hearted I was.... I deff regret telling that secret now...

Anyways the night was shit.. and I fired off a drunk facebook msg to actor friend, which I paid for this morning... pride so hurt.

all in all things with actor friend didn't pan out as I thought. I've decided he's not worth it and I plan to blow him off next time (we'll see).

In other good news... my best friend called me and said shes moving back from Cali!!! I guess things with her bf aren't working out anymore.. I am so stoked! I'm getting my friends back! So I dont have to seem like a loser anymore when my hubbys friends are around!

I also got asked to model for a photographer at the wedding, she said she'd contact me in a few weeks... I hope it pulls through, I've always wanted to try it, plus If I get some beautiful shots I will be rubbin them in actor friends face... (Am I a women scorned or what?)

Also another one of my past crushes... Chad sent me a msg about getting together.. he was the reason why I almost didnt marry my hubby in the first place... getting together with him can't lead to good things... but I look damn sexy now and I'm hopen to make him regret his decision... I'll keep you posted!

20T: I haven’t learned a damn thing

Being 5 weeks from when I set my goals I am happy to say that I am now back to my highschool weight (Thanks SouthBeach!) I lost 30 pounds! I have enrolled in dancing lessons and have been trying aimlessly to make new friends...

It was Friday night and we had the guys over for a night of cards. We were playing asshole. So there we were hubby, joe, me, actor friend, and a few more guys. Actor friend and I were sitting across from each other. Spitting out remarks at each other, as we tend to fight like bro and sis in public, mainly to cover up the truth. The game was going really well until actor friend started with those damn eyes again. Those sexy glances, and raised eyebrow poses. We continued back in forth, for the rest of the game, when we found a moment that everyone elses eyes were on their cards, until hubby caught a look. True it was quite bold what we were doing, and looking back quite stupid, but it’s almost like you get lost in the moment, you forget everyone else, and you forget that it’s not ok, even though it feels like it is. Hubby looks at him and then looks at me and was like whats going on here? We just laughed it off and made an excuse about the cards and I accused actor friend of cheating and we left it at that. However I felt hubby wisen up in that moment. You see he was always afraid that I would leave him for his friend Joe, he tells me later that now he thinks I would for actor friend..

So the game comes to a close at about 1:30am and hubby goes to bed leaving me to entertain his friends. The rest of them quit cards and resort to xbox while actor friend and I play another. I was teaching him a new game outloud but between sentances we were whispering a plan for later. He wanted to come back and pick me up after we kicked everyone else out. We kept whispering and talking and tempting each other with erotic phrases while every once in a while Joe would look over thinking he heard something besides game instructions… Actor friend finally talked me into seeing him later (Which would mean 4 in the morning) and I agreed. He said he would text me on my cell when he was downstairs. We were both aching for each other at this point so we canned the game and sent everyone home. Not gonna lie I was totally stoked. I touched up my hair, make up, and perfume and sat waiting with my puppy for his text. I knew that this was right. But I asked myself how far I was willing to go with him.. I had only slept with one man, and it would be a huge deal to me to sleep with two. But after the month I had I figured what the hell. I knew I loved actor friend and I wanted it to bad to deprive myself. Anyways all of that was for nothing, the text never came. I went to bed deeply upset.

He called the next day for hubby letting him know what a great time he had and how he wanted to get together soon, I didn’t know if that was a message actually meant for me or if he was really just over the me and him fling..

I fretted about it all weekend, then found out Sunday night that my phone had been cut off a week ago.

DAMN! It was my fault that Friday night didn’t happen. I was releaved in once sence but so peeved in the over. I cant believe I had missed out! Anyways I called actor friend Monday to clear up what had happened… we didn’t say too much, I’m not sure how to read his phone voice yet… but he’s coming over this Friday.. so I’ll let you know what happens..

20T: I Wanna Dance

So I signed up for salsa lessons two weeks ago, I've always wanted to learn latin dancing and it's just so damn sexy! It's an all womens class so I figured for once I wouldnt have to worry about dragging my hubby every week and I would maybe make new friends?

I go to my third class tonight. I am also happy to report that I am the thinnest girl there! Perhaps a shallow thing to say, but once you've been a chubby girl.... there is no greater joy then to be back on the other side! So as far as friends go, I have one potential friend from salsa. She has a boyfriend with the same name as my hubby..

Anyways so I've always wanted to go to clubs and look hott and dance hott, so I decided salsa wasnt enough.. much to my husbands demise (we just bought a house and he put me on $100/mo budget. I am used to spending around 15x that) I signed up for hip hop as well and had my first lesson last night. allz I gotta say is I'm bad! haha I really felt I rocked it, considering I was three weeks behind. Needless to say my hubbys not thrilled and wouldn't let me show him my new moves..

Therz also way more girls my age in that class. One of them even gave me her phone number!

Side note: guys its just as hard for us as it is for you to get another girls number..

Anyways so at least these girls were pretty, I can deff see myself going out with them. Once again I hate to be shallow, but my girls have got to be hott! so hopefully as the weeks go on I can "get their numbers" lol

20T: Sunshine after the Rain

So I lost my car in the accident, we do have a second car but it’s a manual. After about a week of serious heart in trying to drive ‘er, I have given up and resorted to taking the bus to work. My commute time has now gone from 20 minutes to 1.5 hours because of where we are located on the bus routes.. Two buses to get to work…

Anyways I didn’t dare complain to hubby as I was the one who smashed the car, even though it wasn’t deliberate or could have been helped. But I was feeling guilty about the actions that preceeded the accident… I also figured taking the bus would give me plenty of time to reflect on my actions and decisions in the past few weeks. This is when I came up with my list of things to accomplish.

First up on the chopping block: friends. Since I work at a University, you would think it would come easy, but after a week and a half of riding the bus.. I was getting desperate. Then one day it all changed. I was sorely depressed about not knowing how to meet new people, this is a hard task in itself. We were all smushed onto the bus and I got in and some brunette started yapping away to me about how the bus is a great way to meet people. I could tell that was just what she was trying to do. However I snuffed out that she was a first year and quite a bit under my maturity level. The bus doors opened again and this pretty blonde came on board. Instantly I felt that we could be great friends, but much too shy to talk to her I just moved down the line to make room. The brunette still yapping in my ear about rainbows and sunshine.. Then outta nowhere the blonde asked me about my nails. Was she starting a conversation with me? I was so surprised.. and we started chatten away, and she was a fourth year and blah blah. As she was about to get off the bus, she introduced herself as “ella” and pointed at me, “haden” I replied. “Hopefully we’ll bump into each other again” she said as the bus doors closed. Man I was like a fat kid in the candy store! Had I just possibly maybe met a potential friend? YES!!! I can do this! I can meet people! Seriously I was so excitied, I didn’t mind that I had to sit in the rain for 35 minutes while waiting for the second bus to come. My life is finally going to change.

And as far as the sunshine after the rain.. I may have lost my car, but hubby and I bought a house!! We move in Dec 1st!!

20T: A night of pleasure for a week of pain: The Accident that Started it All

So as I mentioned previously, I was in a near death experience a few weeks ago. A car accident to be precise, no not drinking and driving as the title may persum but humm perhaps a little background info to get you up to speed.

It had been a crazy week, I had three clients to meet with on my side jobs, I had been over at my parents house twice as my little brother had run away since he was caught smoking pot, and I was planning my hubbys 24th bday on Friday. I had a lot on my plate and my mind was spinning not aware of what else could happen.. His party came and we had a great time, all his friends came over and we had a big bash in the apartment the supers were called at least three times… I invited two girls who I used to work with. Big mistake.. Anyways all my best friends didn’t come. And I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was my last chance to see everyone. As usual the hubbys friends were hitting on me, we all get along as one big group.

Sunday morning came and the pit I had in my tummy, grew to full size. I was sitting in church and realized that this could be my very last day to live. Instantly I panicked, I agree what a weird thought… but that’s all I knew. So I asked myself what I had to do. And the answer wasn’t what.. it was who. .. My hubbys best friend… oh boy I know what you’re thinking… how can I say all these sweet things about my hubby in one minute and then talk about his bestfriend in the next… believe me If I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be writing this blog..

So me and actor bestfriend. We’ve kind of always had a thing.. since me and hubby started dating… there’s always been those suggestive looks and winks, extra long hugs, and silent moments. At my own wedding even… anyways during the winter, one extremely drunk night when my husband left me with his friends… well lets just say we weren’t talking… since then we continue to do this… we’ve only hooked up that one time. A few stolen kisses but that’s it. I know I’m terrible but if I had the choice I would change it, but my heart pulls me towards this guy for unknown reasons..

So there I was, in church, thinking about my husbands bestfriend…

However since I was convinced it was my last day to live, I went with my husbands other bestfriend, (we’ll call him joe) to see actor friend. They wanted me to help them with something. My hubby refused to go (he hates leaving home ever) and so I went alone… later on joe invited us to go to his poetry reading downtown. I was reluctant to go as I knew where this was going to lead.. I knew it was what I had come for but obviously had a strong guard about actually going through with it..

However I was being forced to go with Joe, actor friend was adamantly insisting that my hubby would join us. After three phone calls and a very convincing speech the three of us set off downtown.

As the night went on Joe became aware of something between actor friend and I. We met up with a few other guys but it seemed like joe never took his eyes off us. We finally broke away to go check out the new bathrooms at a newly reno’d bar… needless to say it was a bad idea.. as soon as we were alone we started going at each other, kissing and grabbing.. quite the display.. the night ended when I dropped joe off first (actor friend pretended he was too drunk to drive) Joe was not happy about being dropped off first, even tho it made perfect sence for him to be… it was almost like he knew…

Never the less this was what I came for and we ended up hanging out back at his place until 5 in the morning.. He kept saying, “you’re my baby, at least for tonight”. It felt so right and it was exactly what I wanted to hear, this boy has no idea the kind of effect he has on me…

Anyways I’ll cut to the chase, it was 6am in the morning by the time I got home, it was the official day of my hubbys bday, and he was raging mad. Not that I could blamb him. I was hardly in the mood to speak as I had only an hour before I had to get up for work..

However I slept so soundly in that hour.. only to wake up, call my hubby to have him hang up on me, I leave for work, driving all of 5 mins onto the highway where a mini transport truck decided to cut me off and I slam into the back of him without even hitting my breaks..

When I came too I didn’t know what to think.. I was happy to be alive, although covered in blood, my arms worked, my legs worked, I seemed to be ok. A lady had rushed over and been helping me. She called my hubby for me, who hung up on me again… quite humorous now..

Anyways all in all I ended up down at the hospital with my mother, my hubby came later and I was all ok except my arm.. (I’ve got some tendon damage I find out later) the docs were so surprised that I had survived the accident, and my car was an absolute write off.. no piece could be restored…

So right now you are all prob still judging me about actor friend. But Isn’t it weird how I had this feeling about dying and almost did?

20T: The Deal

Well considering it's my first official post and you all know nothing about me I Suppose I should give you some background info about my life. I’ll keep this short as it may spoil the surprises later 

I’m a 22 year old female, long blond hair, greeny-blue eyes, with a striving career and an attitude to match. I’m also a shop-a-holic, for anything...

Life has been peachy, but as 2007 ended I realized that I was not living for myself nor feeling fulfilled at the end of the day. I was full of regret of things I did not do and had not yet done. I suppose it’s a typical 20 something thought… I thought I had already gone through all this as a teenager but apparently not. Apparently I am now trying to do the inevitable.. “find myself”

So therefore in this light began my life in 2008, I joined a gym, got a personal trainer, changed my job, learned how to apply make-up, and got ready to challenge the world again.

I was known as quite the work-a-holic with a full time job plus two businesses on the side. Very driven and aggressive. I suppose I should also let you know that I got married in 2006. To my high school sweet heart and the love of my life. However things are just never that simple are they?

My life however unfolded in my mind exactly 5 weeks ago when I was in a near death accident. I tell you, you’re never more alive then in the moment that you think it’s all over. Another interesting story of which I am sure this subject we will broach again soon.. However since the accident, through weeks of pills and pain, doctor visits and x-rays, physio and therapy, I decided that if I did die then, I had lead an unfulfilled life. I thought about all the things I wanted to do and just what went on the few days before the accident. I decided that I work way too much and party way to little.

1. I quit my two side businesses and accepted that I am going to have less money to spend
2. I realized that the friends I have are too far away and I must get out of my comfort zone to find new ones
3. I realized that I need to get back to my highschool weight
4. I need to sort out my... "love triangles/squares/hexegons?"
   
5. I must dance! Since I have always wanted to do so.

So with these goals in mind I am beginning my adventure of “Twenty something Trouble”

To see my life, to feel my life, and to love my life