20T: I did it

Hey guys

I gotta say Im really nervous to write this post, but I can't help but smile..

So Friday night one of our friends had a party at his place.. I went with my friend Micki.. naturally we arrived like 3 hours into the party.. as soon as we drove by the house we saw everyone chillen outside and i saw actor-friend. I saw it in his eyes, and my heart started pumpen and my adrenalin was rushing.. so micki and I went into the party and actor-friend and I were ignoring each other... it was all good until we had a quick conversation and he got short with me.. and I was like what? and hes like well whats new with u kinda rudely.. I mentioned that I had some issues with Ken.. and he kinda lightened up but asked questions.. i told him that Ken walked in on me naked.. and that hes been.. intense.. lately. i dono i didnt really get a chance to explain as Ken came over and dragged me away.. but the rest of the night wasnt so great with actorfriend.. we were like fighting about nothing, and I was really getten hurt cuz i didnt understand his real reason for being so pissy..

eventually everyone left the party. and it was just him micki and i back at my place.. micki siad she was leaving but couldnt find her keys.. actorfriend jumped up to help her find them and was like rapidly searching.. which gave me a lil hope.. as it was almost like he wanted to talk to me..

anyways so micki left.. and he sat down beside me.. and started talken to me, or yellen at me about Ken.. apparently Ken said all this shit to actorfrien.. like i was hitting on him, and trying to hook up with him,, and talking about having sex with him.. and actorfriend was so pissed off, telling me how could i replace him with Ken, he had a whole rant.. i was dumbfounded.. when he finally shut up it took me like an hour to explain everything that happened. then he was really pissed at Ken and really sorry to me. he said he never gelt so jelous in his life. and he couldnt believe how upset it made him, and all this stuff.. i dono we had a great conver.. it was like 3am so i asked him if he wanted to go for a drive.. which obv he did.. so we took off to go "pick up his car"..

20T: It must be me

Hey guys

First off.. new news...

ok so Ken and I have started to hang out since he got a "free show".. lol.. but he's really into sports and so am I, so I have been bringing him out to vball and badminton with me, and we've been talking about playing tennis, goen for runs etc etc together, since we both want to get into shape and he lives right around the corner.. and since hubby refuses to move his butt off the couch I was really excitied to have a work-out buddy. anyways well Ken has been flirting pretty heavily with me, and I mean I'm all for joking around but he seems to be crossing the line.. but I keep laughing at all his plays or try to ignore the cruder comments.. well by ignor i just look at him, blush, and say "ah" and try to give them impression that I cant respond to that..

He keeps talking about how good in bed he is, how we should hook up, how he wants to do things to me... like I dono how things got so far in just 2 weeks... he chats to me all the time through facebook, and calls me out when I dont write him back right away. Last weekend everyone was over partying, and he shoved me into my bedroom, throws me on the bed, and was like "I hear u like it rough" and he like held my down for 2 secs then left me. but at first I just played it off like whatever, he was drunk. and all these flirty conversations like we're just hanging out and haven fun.. but then he facebooks me today about how he knows we should hook up, how it cant just be him feeling this way, he wants me so bad.

Like what the hell! am I that niave or something? of all people I wouldnt think Ken would do this, especially considering, his gf just cheated on him for 3 months with his bestfriend, and he was so devestated when he found out.. then he goes and starts this with my huby? and im married! seriously do I walk around with a "fuck me" sign? Obv I like to flirt, and hangout with guys. but I'm never serious about anything I say, with the exception of actor-friend.. but can we plz leave that out for now? are guys really that easy? do they take everything seriously? Will they jump on any opportuntity if u make it out to be a small window of hope? I mean what can I do? live in a box? I think almost everyone of hubbys friends has hit on me now. like is that normal? am I bating them? like im feeling clueless and trashy right now.

what am I doing wrong here? I do not want to hook up with Ken, not one bit. not at all. not thats he not a good looking guy or anything. But I just wouldnt. I need some serious therapist advice right now.. I obv havent written back to him yet.. I guess I'm not going to, as what do I say? seriously what would you say? keep in mind I dont want to rock the boat. I dont want Ken to get pissy, I dont want hubby to lose his friends..

Second thing,

Thanks to everyone for your comments, I really do appreicate them, and I totally understand what your saying. of course I do not want to hurt hubby. I ove him with all my heart, hes my world. hes everything I got. I dono whats up with actor-friend, why I feel the way I do, and why I cant kick him outta my head.. I just cant Ive tried and tried, I think about him all the time dream about him all the time. and I shouldnt. so how do I change that? how do I get over whatever this is?

I gotta say, I'm supposed to be seeing him tonight at a party, and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been looking forward to it all week..

I mean get outta my head man.. problem is hes in my heart too..