20T: Birthday Pains

So it was my birthday on Thursday, 23! Wow I feel so old and mentally I still feel like I'm 17 so new in the world...

Anyways so I was really sick on my birthday, and I had to get medication from the docs, which I started on Wed... so things were going ok, I still didn't feel that good on Friday, actually I had begun to feel cloudy and almost like I was high... by Friday night it had gotton a lot worse but I assumed it was just my meds. So I took my meds right before I went to sleep on Friday night hoping that the meds would wear off by Sat morning as I had adams work brunch to go too and sat night was our big open house.

Well I was right about one thing.. it was the meds... I woke up extremely high and out of it.. hubby calmed me down and got me to go back to sleep. But when I woke up in the morning no affects had left me.. it was much worse. I was still high, dilusional, hullcinating, and shaking. I felt like my brain was bleeding and tingaly all over. I was panicing and that sure as hell didnt help. I told all this to hubby and he told me to have a shower and get ready for his work party. I did but the feelings wernt going away. He said I would feel better once we were on the road.. gullible I got into the car with him and prepared for the hour and a hlaf drive to the place for brunch. 15 minutes into the ride I was in hysterics. I was so scared and creaped out and felt so weird! I thought I was dyiing. I wanted to go home but hubby wouldnt take me. He told me to shut up and relax. I was so upset but so out of it and scared I didnt want to be alone.. anyways I freaked out for the entire trip I tried to stay calm but couldnt. when we go there I went right up to the bar and started drinking. I had drank 5 bottled of water in 10 minutes, trying to get whatever was in my system out.. i asked adam to leave and he wouldnt... it was so horrible. I never hated him so much.. anyways all in all it was ok. talking to people took my mind off my high and drinking water was helping me pee it out but I didnt feel right.. we went home after about 2.5 hours and the ride home was a bit better... I went to lay down when we got home but I kept getting the brain bleed feeling and being all naucous and shaki... people started arriving for my birthday and I was a wreck, and tryig to push back the tears... hubby kept yelling at me to grow up and snap outta it.. i couldnt... anyways when my bestfriend arrived she got on the phone and called the pharmacist.. after about 10 minutes she came over to me and said I was having severe side affects from the meds.. I was having hallunincations and a nervous system breakdown.. I had to eat, drink, and stay warm.. So basically the rest of the night everyone took turns taking care of me. at one point my best friend wanted to drag me to the hospital. and hubby flipped out in front of everyone that I was over reacting and that I was fine.. even tho I was shaking.. he looked like such an asshole... so Joe and Abby (my best friend) took me to the bed room and put me to bed and were sitting with me, and trying to calm me down and make me eat.. actor friend came and visited me a few times, hes had an overdose before and was pretty worried.. he kept bringing me a heating pad and watching the size of my pupils... anyways so I finally got to sleep, Sunday was much better and by Monday morning I was pretty much back to normal... but what a crazy weekend. So here we are on Wednesday and I dont feel right about teh way my hubby treated me.. I'm still pretty upset and scared about it. like how he could be so cold and cruel when I needed him.. anyways so thats that. but our relationship is deff back to rockly ground.

in other news..

when we were packing Joe asked me what happened on the night of the accident, aka what was i doing with actor-friend that night... luckily hubby walked into the room right then and Joe said nevermind.. he knows something was up.. but had the respect to drop it, although I dont think this is the last of this conversation..

also Chad msg me on facebook.. wished me a happy birthday, asked me what was going on, how I was doing... I wrote him back today (a lil over a week later) turns out he will be playing hockey the same place as my hubby on sat nights... we'll see how this goes..


Anyways sorry for all the posts and rambling! Just wanted to update you all! Hope you're all doing well!

20T: Game On

Well it's Hump Day!

I've gotta say I've certainly been doing a lot of that lately.. I know you didn't need to know that.. I dono what it is about fall.. anyways I read in this months cosmo that fall is a more the season to hook up in then any other.. I found that hard to believe but none the less am on the bandwagon.. of course it helps to have a hubby at your disposal.. oh well I'm sure he doesn't mind! I do have to say one thing.. I've always wanted to try that position that Leonardo D. pulls in the movie "The Beach" where there sitting on each other.. anyways finally did it and it was fabulous! I felt I was too fat to try it before... I didnt want the wave happening you know.. but damn it was good.. thats your homework for the weekend... try it..

Anyways so last night was week 4 of latin dancing! I'm getten the hang of it I think.. we started learning the meregue (cant spell) Anyways we were doing this hip roll thing and the instructor called me out infront of the whole class and called me Shakira and asked if I did belly dancing! I almost died. true I should have felt good, but I just got so embarrased, turned beat red and started cracking up.. I dono how this modeling gig will go.. I may not be serious enough.. could you imagine? Give me sexy, purs purs, haha I'm gonna cry..

So actor friend... I felt pretty beat after he hung up on me at the wedding, and then when he called out my cheap msg on facebook... He deff had the upper hand and I had shown him my cards.. I couldnt decide yesturday weather to apologize or to just stop trying to fix things before I made them worse... well I decided to apologize, and I made a joke outta what I had said.. I was worried all night that I was coming off too eager... (I know I'm married, but doesnt mean I can sit on the bench... the game is still going on!) anyways I made the right call.. he facebooked me this morning saying it wasnt a big deal and who cares.. he also asked me about this popular girl.. whom he didnt know I was friends with... (I'm always trying to hook him up with friends... seems stupid.. but it's not like I'm gonna date this guy.. plus the chase is all the fun! On the flip side it's another one of our ways to keep the conversation up between the two of us without anyone catching on that we're saying things inbetween.) so anyways bottom line. He needs me. lol. But this girl, shes true competition... usually the girls actor-friend goes for I'm never worried about, I know I'm sexier, classier, smarter, and funnier... but this girl... true I don't know her that well, but I always had a girl crush on her and her sister. Where I'm from these two rule the city.. true enough they have a sluty rep which is true but I wouldnt hold that against them.. if you do, that means you are outrightenly admitting your jelous if your a girl, or admitting they blew you off if your a guy...

however this premptive favor means we're back to square one with each other. And going with my new moto, I'm going to win this round... I seen how much actor-friend means to me and I'm not gonna let that rule my heart. I've been there before with Chad.. Therefore let the games begin. I will not msg him back right away, oh yea I'll be playing this old school. Next time I see him I will be cold and bored with his antics, however sexy and alluring inbetween to keep him hooked. This guy likes the chase, he likes the idea of a girl he can't get. That's exactly what I am... Lets see how hard this guy can work.... I'll keep you posted..

~ One sexy Biatch!

20T: Nothing Ever Goes as Planned

Well I meant to update this earlier... so much has happened in the week..

So it was finally Friday and I was deff stoked, knowing I was going to see Actor Friend and was anxious to see how the night would work out...

we did our usual. ignored each other at the beginning of the night, then started to give each other looks... and then we tried to conjure up senarios where we would end up alone... it was about 12:30 when I suggested we all go to the bar across the street to play pool.. actor friend immediately agreed both hoping that no one else would want to go, and we thought my hubby would go to bed. At first he said he wasn't going.. but then everyone came.. dammit..

things didnt go much better at the bar.. hubby and I got in a fight since some random guys hit on me.. (like thats my fault!) and then actor friend and I couldnt even say a word to each other without Joe staring us down... we got a small moment by the juke box, where he said under his breath" You are so beautiful". All I said was... Joe is staring at us.. we laughed.. and ended up leaving the bar frustrated..

When we got back to the apt a few more of my hubbys friends showed up... we were going in the elevator when the rest of the guys stopped for a minute and the elevator shut on actor friend and i. We finally had a moment alone. He asked to kiss me, and then came over to but the door opened up again... he jumped back and my hubby walked in... missed the moment again...

anyways the rest of the night we played scategories and nothin...

the next day Joe was having a BBQ at his house, actor friend called to see if we were going.. i said we wern't and he was dissapointed.. I ended up dragging my hubby there only to sit outside in the freezing cold and hear about wrestling all night.. i ended up reading a book..

Sunday was the wedding... and it was so so borring! Hubby suggested we invite actor friend to come after dinner.. random eh? however hubby and I ended up in a fight and he went home without me. I called actor friend and he said he'd come.. I told him I'd call him back in an hour. Well after an hour went by I was piss ass drunk with my 17 yr old bro, I had walked up to the mike and saranaded the bride and groom "tastefully" lol and I was back on the phone with actor friend. Who wasnt coming anymore, called out the fact that I was drunk and ended hanging up on me.. I ended up spilling the beans to my bro about how broken hearted I was.... I deff regret telling that secret now...

Anyways the night was shit.. and I fired off a drunk facebook msg to actor friend, which I paid for this morning... pride so hurt.

all in all things with actor friend didn't pan out as I thought. I've decided he's not worth it and I plan to blow him off next time (we'll see).

In other good news... my best friend called me and said shes moving back from Cali!!! I guess things with her bf aren't working out anymore.. I am so stoked! I'm getting my friends back! So I dont have to seem like a loser anymore when my hubbys friends are around!

I also got asked to model for a photographer at the wedding, she said she'd contact me in a few weeks... I hope it pulls through, I've always wanted to try it, plus If I get some beautiful shots I will be rubbin them in actor friends face... (Am I a women scorned or what?)

Also another one of my past crushes... Chad sent me a msg about getting together.. he was the reason why I almost didnt marry my hubby in the first place... getting together with him can't lead to good things... but I look damn sexy now and I'm hopen to make him regret his decision... I'll keep you posted!