20T: Lesson Learned

Alright ladies... this here is my last and final post.. I will be shutting this down at the end of November...

So i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. about my life, my husband, what I've done, the choices I've made... and I've come to a final conclusion about all the men in my life.

None of them were, are, or will ever be as great as my hubby. Not one kiss was better then our first. Not one touch gives me more butterflies then my husbands. And not one of those guys would I ever want to spend a lifetime with... a few days at most! so in figuring that out, I accept that it is all a lust, not love. and therefore know I have the strength to turn down these opportunities.. not saying it will be easy... even tho my hubby and I go through rough times and can fight really really bad. I love him with all my heart and i would only have kids with him, I really only want him to see me naked, and only him to grow old with.. I will just have to be eye candy only! not a free taste-test..

I'm quite discusted with myself, although what can I do, I just hope I can stay loyal. I would never ever want to hurt him... nor could I live if he ever left me...

So in saying and feeling all of this... I missed three nights out with my hubby and his friends, and they were all apparently asking about it... (its nice to be missed, leave em wanting more baby!) anyways so on Friday my hubby was over at Max's house with the boyz and he begged me to come over... I did.. looking hott as hell! I had a born to reign tshirt on with a pair of black skinny pants... and a jean jacket... i looked like a sexy biker chic,.. anyways within moments of walking in the door all the guys were around me chatten to me, poking fun at me and my outfit, then they took my jean jacket off me and were trying it on... it was nice to be missed, but i walked over to my hubby and landed him a big kiss and sat on his lap... Actor friend then asked if anyone wanted to play cards. I said I was in and everyone else followed suit (no pun intended!) there were 6 girls there and they all left within 5 mins of my arrival, i guess they thought i was competition!

anyways i played with the boys for 2 hours and they poked fun at me the whole time.. then I annouced I was leaving and went to play with Max's dog for a bit, I go a few wines from the boys and a baby eyes look from actorfriend.. he kept mouthing dont leave.. why are u leaving? he came over to talk to me for a minute "going to the bathroom" and i jsut said I was tired but I'd see him next time... ARENT U LADIES PROUD OF ME! anyways next day they had a poken tournie again.. and I didnt go!!

so therefore I will be faithful! I know I can do it! Hope you ladies had a good weekend!

20T: I sware I didn’t start it

Ok so not a particularly eventful weekend, I was sick so I didn’t end up going out.. never the less interesting events occurred..

We did a whole lot of packing this weekend.. it felt so good and we were reminissing about our apartment… our first home.. anyways to pay tribute we decided to have sex in all the rooms and on all the surfaces of our apartment! Haha SO MUCH FUN! Seriously! I cant wait till we christen our house! Sex has really improved since I lost the weight.. I think it’s also becuz I’m not insecure anymore.. anytime anywhere anyplace.. I feel like I’m a teen again!

next I got my cell phone hooked up again.. I’ve really not had one since I got married… It tends to cause to many problems and I have too many late nite drunk phone calls.. but I already have facebook what more trouble could a cell phone cause?... I can be trusted with a phone right? Right??

So Friday night I wasn’t feeling so great but I really wanted to go to the mall and catch up on the latest fashions… (once again budget smudgetit…) So I was busting through like a million stores and was getting really hot.. so I decided to save time and heat I would just throw my shirt in my purse and only wear my coat.. so that worked out ok till I ran outta time and didn’t have time to put my shirt back on.. so whatever I would just stick it out till I got home.. my hubby calls and tells me his bestfriend Joe is worken at the mall still and I should meet up with him and bus back home with him… so whatever cool.. I’ve done it lots of times before.. so I go meet up with Joe and hes closing down a store.. and hes like take your coat off im gonna be a while.. and I burst out laughing and explain my situation and he was laughing but he’s like “rweaalay…” I have never seen that look in his eyes before! Anyways im not reading into it we go home together the entire time I am bitching about how hot I am, we get up to my apartment and I had forgotten my keys! Locked out! Dying of heat! So Joe suggests I take my coat off.. but oh yea.. and hes like well just change right here, no ones around.. while hes staring right at me… like is this for real? Anyways hes like my brother and hes seen me in a bikini so it wasn’t like a big deal but I was just taken a back by his suggestion.. anyways I said I’d go around the corner and do it.. which I did.. but I dono it was different.. then he brought it up like 8 times that night with hubby around that I was naked under my jacket.. get over it bud! I dono..


Anyways so I’ve had a few busy days but then yesterday morning some random totally gorgeous guy facebooks me to start trouble.. he wants to chat, maybe meet up, and whatever he’s like from Vancouver… so at first I was like buddy I’m married, but he totally apologizes.. so I thought wow hes a nice guy, and I write him back some flirty comment about being down for innocent chats but if hes ever in the city cant guarantee it being innocent.. and it was a pretty good line but sarcastic and thinking it would never happen.. well turns out he moved here recently and just hasn’t updated his facebook.. lol so now aren’t I a lot of smack talk? Anyways I guess I can cut all ties.. but where would be the fun in that?

So last night was salsa class! I brought Micki from Cali with me.. she was interested in possibly signing up… anyways she sat out the entire time saying she was too embarrassed to try.. too bad but I had a lot of fun… anyways after the class was over she’s like the instructor has the hots for you.. and I was like what? And shes like I caught him starring at your ass the whole class! And I was like that’s his job! He’s gotta make sure I am moving right! But anyways he is cute.. but I am a happily married women. I am a happily married women. I am a happily married women.. I am a………

So what are your ladies plans for the weekend? I’m still sick but in the mood to party! I got invited to a slumber party with a bunch of new girls, which I better attend if I want to still make girlfriends.. I really want to go to a club tho! I better find some female dates fast! Its also UFC this weekend so the boys will be over.. and its one of Adams friends birthday! So we will have to pick and choose our events.. however life has been a little borring.. I hope something exciting happens this weekend..

20T: Boundaries

Well where has the time gone.. I can't believe I haven't updated this in almost two weeks... Since we are packing for the big move it's all I can think of! I also sold all of our furniture so I could buy new stuff for our house.. haha I know budget smudgeit.. LOL My house gotta look dope! lol anyways ok ok back to the biz..

Cali friend (Micki) came home! So stoked to have her back, but she hasn't been doing too well.. she's all depressed and what not.. personally I think it's from lack of attention.. which I'm good at getting.. so I invited her out for a night on the town and she wouldnt go!.. like as if!.. she's been over at my house watching movies like crazy.. i am so bored of watching TV! anyways so whatever..

on the weekend hubbys friend moved just down the street from where we bought our house.. crazy! such a stocker... but we all have no idea how he afforded it and all of a sudden up and bought this place.. Anyways his name is Steve.. he somehow always has money and always has a new company.. we think hes full of it.. never the less he had a party on sat nite to celebrate the move..

natch i went with Micki in tow.. or vice-versa she went crazy at the licquor store and was so pumped to go to this party... the party tho was supa dull.. but i'll point out a few highlights... Micki got sick (big shock) and wanted to leave.. as I was walking her out to the cab Actor friend grabs me and says your not leaven are you? I deff felt wanted, specially since we didnt really get a chance to even look at each other all night.. I just raised my eyebrow at him.. said no and walked Micki out to the cab... then when I came in Actor friend was trying to rally up everyone to play cards.. which is our little thing.. we always pretend we're trying to organize a game knowing no one else will play and it will just be us... well played actor-friend, i'm in... so I started playen cards with actor friend and immediatly he asked me about the wedding.. so we were getting right to a hush hush conversation... I totally forgot that was the last time we had communicated.. when I had made a drunken ass out of myself.. anyways i joked about it and mentioned the fact that he missed my big singing performance.. I could tell we were getting ready for a randy conver when hubby came over to join us.. we played cards for a bit.. it was going ok but I started to get really tired! I was poppen Oxy codene (sp?) pills and they were wearing off... NO THAT IS NOT A SERIOUS DRUG! I'M NOT ADDICTED JUST STILL ON A DIET AND GOTTA WATCH MY SUGA LEVELS! anyways so wen actor friend and hubby went outside for a moment I went over to laydown on the couch, which was full.. but Joe (hubbys best friend) was sitten on a chair and shuffled over so I could laydown with him.. and I passed out.. PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP THATS ALL! anyways so when everyone was ready to leave hubby had picked me up to take me home and I woke up only to see Actor friend staring at me with this soft look.. It was so sweet, so hard to explain, it looked like love and hurt and awe'ing. I dono it was like he wanted to be laying with me and was jelous that I was with Joe, but also it looked like he cared and wanted to take care of me.. anyways it was the first time I ever seen him look at me that way... it deff hit a nerve... so as we started out the door actor-friend "casually" mentioned that he couldnt drive.. natch we told him to come crash at our place which he did.. I had a feeling something could happen.. but as soon as I got home I just put on sexy PJs.. went out infront of the boys to "grab a drink" and then I went to bed.. nothing wrong with teasing is there?

Anyways laying with Joe musta really started something with Actor friend, hubby mentioned to me the next day that Actor friend came out and told me that "his wife is sleeping with his best friend" which hubby and i both thought was funny, but I also new that actor-friend was a bit jelouse...

Anyways so all in good fun but I have been dreaming about actor-friend all week. Its driving me crazy.. I think I really love him.. which is so screwed up.. I gotta start putting up boundaries... I think I'm gonna start calling him by his last name again all the guys call him by that and I used to before he asked me to call him by his first name.. its a simple thing but It will just be a reminder that hes off limits.. as well this weekend Steve invited all the boyz over for a poker night with beer and hookers.. lucky me I was on this invitation list... lol anyways i dont think i'm gonna go.. i need to stop hanging out with hubbys friends so often.. it hurts to say that but i gotta, i love hubby were doing so good I dont wana screw it up.. and if i'm gonna screw it up I should go and do it with Chad not with actor friend..

speaking of Chad.. I'm debating weather I should borrow my parents car and go see him.. I really want to show off how fab I look and I want a bit of that kinda excitement that he brings back in my life.. I know maybe a bad idea or maybe just maybe I can leave him wanting me for once.. its a gamble but is it worth it?

So Sat night plans... poker nite with the boyz or can I rally up some girls for a nite on the town and wind up at poker nite? humm this is gonna get interesting.. half naked.. totally in the bag and just me and hubbys friends... what? boundaries? who said anything about those? LOL