20T: Birthday Pains

So it was my birthday on Thursday, 23! Wow I feel so old and mentally I still feel like I'm 17 so new in the world...

Anyways so I was really sick on my birthday, and I had to get medication from the docs, which I started on Wed... so things were going ok, I still didn't feel that good on Friday, actually I had begun to feel cloudy and almost like I was high... by Friday night it had gotton a lot worse but I assumed it was just my meds. So I took my meds right before I went to sleep on Friday night hoping that the meds would wear off by Sat morning as I had adams work brunch to go too and sat night was our big open house.

Well I was right about one thing.. it was the meds... I woke up extremely high and out of it.. hubby calmed me down and got me to go back to sleep. But when I woke up in the morning no affects had left me.. it was much worse. I was still high, dilusional, hullcinating, and shaking. I felt like my brain was bleeding and tingaly all over. I was panicing and that sure as hell didnt help. I told all this to hubby and he told me to have a shower and get ready for his work party. I did but the feelings wernt going away. He said I would feel better once we were on the road.. gullible I got into the car with him and prepared for the hour and a hlaf drive to the place for brunch. 15 minutes into the ride I was in hysterics. I was so scared and creaped out and felt so weird! I thought I was dyiing. I wanted to go home but hubby wouldnt take me. He told me to shut up and relax. I was so upset but so out of it and scared I didnt want to be alone.. anyways I freaked out for the entire trip I tried to stay calm but couldnt. when we go there I went right up to the bar and started drinking. I had drank 5 bottled of water in 10 minutes, trying to get whatever was in my system out.. i asked adam to leave and he wouldnt... it was so horrible. I never hated him so much.. anyways all in all it was ok. talking to people took my mind off my high and drinking water was helping me pee it out but I didnt feel right.. we went home after about 2.5 hours and the ride home was a bit better... I went to lay down when we got home but I kept getting the brain bleed feeling and being all naucous and shaki... people started arriving for my birthday and I was a wreck, and tryig to push back the tears... hubby kept yelling at me to grow up and snap outta it.. i couldnt... anyways when my bestfriend arrived she got on the phone and called the pharmacist.. after about 10 minutes she came over to me and said I was having severe side affects from the meds.. I was having hallunincations and a nervous system breakdown.. I had to eat, drink, and stay warm.. So basically the rest of the night everyone took turns taking care of me. at one point my best friend wanted to drag me to the hospital. and hubby flipped out in front of everyone that I was over reacting and that I was fine.. even tho I was shaking.. he looked like such an asshole... so Joe and Abby (my best friend) took me to the bed room and put me to bed and were sitting with me, and trying to calm me down and make me eat.. actor friend came and visited me a few times, hes had an overdose before and was pretty worried.. he kept bringing me a heating pad and watching the size of my pupils... anyways so I finally got to sleep, Sunday was much better and by Monday morning I was pretty much back to normal... but what a crazy weekend. So here we are on Wednesday and I dont feel right about teh way my hubby treated me.. I'm still pretty upset and scared about it. like how he could be so cold and cruel when I needed him.. anyways so thats that. but our relationship is deff back to rockly ground.

in other news..

when we were packing Joe asked me what happened on the night of the accident, aka what was i doing with actor-friend that night... luckily hubby walked into the room right then and Joe said nevermind.. he knows something was up.. but had the respect to drop it, although I dont think this is the last of this conversation..

also Chad msg me on facebook.. wished me a happy birthday, asked me what was going on, how I was doing... I wrote him back today (a lil over a week later) turns out he will be playing hockey the same place as my hubby on sat nights... we'll see how this goes..


Anyways sorry for all the posts and rambling! Just wanted to update you all! Hope you're all doing well!

20T: A night of pleasure for a week of pain: The Accident that Started it All

So as I mentioned previously, I was in a near death experience a few weeks ago. A car accident to be precise, no not drinking and driving as the title may persum but humm perhaps a little background info to get you up to speed.

It had been a crazy week, I had three clients to meet with on my side jobs, I had been over at my parents house twice as my little brother had run away since he was caught smoking pot, and I was planning my hubbys 24th bday on Friday. I had a lot on my plate and my mind was spinning not aware of what else could happen.. His party came and we had a great time, all his friends came over and we had a big bash in the apartment the supers were called at least three times… I invited two girls who I used to work with. Big mistake.. Anyways all my best friends didn’t come. And I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was my last chance to see everyone. As usual the hubbys friends were hitting on me, we all get along as one big group.

Sunday morning came and the pit I had in my tummy, grew to full size. I was sitting in church and realized that this could be my very last day to live. Instantly I panicked, I agree what a weird thought… but that’s all I knew. So I asked myself what I had to do. And the answer wasn’t what.. it was who. .. My hubbys best friend… oh boy I know what you’re thinking… how can I say all these sweet things about my hubby in one minute and then talk about his bestfriend in the next… believe me If I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be writing this blog..

So me and actor bestfriend. We’ve kind of always had a thing.. since me and hubby started dating… there’s always been those suggestive looks and winks, extra long hugs, and silent moments. At my own wedding even… anyways during the winter, one extremely drunk night when my husband left me with his friends… well lets just say we weren’t talking… since then we continue to do this… we’ve only hooked up that one time. A few stolen kisses but that’s it. I know I’m terrible but if I had the choice I would change it, but my heart pulls me towards this guy for unknown reasons..

So there I was, in church, thinking about my husbands bestfriend…

However since I was convinced it was my last day to live, I went with my husbands other bestfriend, (we’ll call him joe) to see actor friend. They wanted me to help them with something. My hubby refused to go (he hates leaving home ever) and so I went alone… later on joe invited us to go to his poetry reading downtown. I was reluctant to go as I knew where this was going to lead.. I knew it was what I had come for but obviously had a strong guard about actually going through with it..

However I was being forced to go with Joe, actor friend was adamantly insisting that my hubby would join us. After three phone calls and a very convincing speech the three of us set off downtown.

As the night went on Joe became aware of something between actor friend and I. We met up with a few other guys but it seemed like joe never took his eyes off us. We finally broke away to go check out the new bathrooms at a newly reno’d bar… needless to say it was a bad idea.. as soon as we were alone we started going at each other, kissing and grabbing.. quite the display.. the night ended when I dropped joe off first (actor friend pretended he was too drunk to drive) Joe was not happy about being dropped off first, even tho it made perfect sence for him to be… it was almost like he knew…

Never the less this was what I came for and we ended up hanging out back at his place until 5 in the morning.. He kept saying, “you’re my baby, at least for tonight”. It felt so right and it was exactly what I wanted to hear, this boy has no idea the kind of effect he has on me…

Anyways I’ll cut to the chase, it was 6am in the morning by the time I got home, it was the official day of my hubbys bday, and he was raging mad. Not that I could blamb him. I was hardly in the mood to speak as I had only an hour before I had to get up for work..

However I slept so soundly in that hour.. only to wake up, call my hubby to have him hang up on me, I leave for work, driving all of 5 mins onto the highway where a mini transport truck decided to cut me off and I slam into the back of him without even hitting my breaks..

When I came too I didn’t know what to think.. I was happy to be alive, although covered in blood, my arms worked, my legs worked, I seemed to be ok. A lady had rushed over and been helping me. She called my hubby for me, who hung up on me again… quite humorous now..

Anyways all in all I ended up down at the hospital with my mother, my hubby came later and I was all ok except my arm.. (I’ve got some tendon damage I find out later) the docs were so surprised that I had survived the accident, and my car was an absolute write off.. no piece could be restored…

So right now you are all prob still judging me about actor friend. But Isn’t it weird how I had this feeling about dying and almost did?