20T: Nothing Ever Goes as Planned

Well I meant to update this earlier... so much has happened in the week..

So it was finally Friday and I was deff stoked, knowing I was going to see Actor Friend and was anxious to see how the night would work out...

we did our usual. ignored each other at the beginning of the night, then started to give each other looks... and then we tried to conjure up senarios where we would end up alone... it was about 12:30 when I suggested we all go to the bar across the street to play pool.. actor friend immediately agreed both hoping that no one else would want to go, and we thought my hubby would go to bed. At first he said he wasn't going.. but then everyone came.. dammit..

things didnt go much better at the bar.. hubby and I got in a fight since some random guys hit on me.. (like thats my fault!) and then actor friend and I couldnt even say a word to each other without Joe staring us down... we got a small moment by the juke box, where he said under his breath" You are so beautiful". All I said was... Joe is staring at us.. we laughed.. and ended up leaving the bar frustrated..

When we got back to the apt a few more of my hubbys friends showed up... we were going in the elevator when the rest of the guys stopped for a minute and the elevator shut on actor friend and i. We finally had a moment alone. He asked to kiss me, and then came over to but the door opened up again... he jumped back and my hubby walked in... missed the moment again...

anyways the rest of the night we played scategories and nothin...

the next day Joe was having a BBQ at his house, actor friend called to see if we were going.. i said we wern't and he was dissapointed.. I ended up dragging my hubby there only to sit outside in the freezing cold and hear about wrestling all night.. i ended up reading a book..

Sunday was the wedding... and it was so so borring! Hubby suggested we invite actor friend to come after dinner.. random eh? however hubby and I ended up in a fight and he went home without me. I called actor friend and he said he'd come.. I told him I'd call him back in an hour. Well after an hour went by I was piss ass drunk with my 17 yr old bro, I had walked up to the mike and saranaded the bride and groom "tastefully" lol and I was back on the phone with actor friend. Who wasnt coming anymore, called out the fact that I was drunk and ended hanging up on me.. I ended up spilling the beans to my bro about how broken hearted I was.... I deff regret telling that secret now...

Anyways the night was shit.. and I fired off a drunk facebook msg to actor friend, which I paid for this morning... pride so hurt.

all in all things with actor friend didn't pan out as I thought. I've decided he's not worth it and I plan to blow him off next time (we'll see).

In other good news... my best friend called me and said shes moving back from Cali!!! I guess things with her bf aren't working out anymore.. I am so stoked! I'm getting my friends back! So I dont have to seem like a loser anymore when my hubbys friends are around!

I also got asked to model for a photographer at the wedding, she said she'd contact me in a few weeks... I hope it pulls through, I've always wanted to try it, plus If I get some beautiful shots I will be rubbin them in actor friends face... (Am I a women scorned or what?)

Also another one of my past crushes... Chad sent me a msg about getting together.. he was the reason why I almost didnt marry my hubby in the first place... getting together with him can't lead to good things... but I look damn sexy now and I'm hopen to make him regret his decision... I'll keep you posted!

20T: I haven’t learned a damn thing

Being 5 weeks from when I set my goals I am happy to say that I am now back to my highschool weight (Thanks SouthBeach!) I lost 30 pounds! I have enrolled in dancing lessons and have been trying aimlessly to make new friends...

It was Friday night and we had the guys over for a night of cards. We were playing asshole. So there we were hubby, joe, me, actor friend, and a few more guys. Actor friend and I were sitting across from each other. Spitting out remarks at each other, as we tend to fight like bro and sis in public, mainly to cover up the truth. The game was going really well until actor friend started with those damn eyes again. Those sexy glances, and raised eyebrow poses. We continued back in forth, for the rest of the game, when we found a moment that everyone elses eyes were on their cards, until hubby caught a look. True it was quite bold what we were doing, and looking back quite stupid, but it’s almost like you get lost in the moment, you forget everyone else, and you forget that it’s not ok, even though it feels like it is. Hubby looks at him and then looks at me and was like whats going on here? We just laughed it off and made an excuse about the cards and I accused actor friend of cheating and we left it at that. However I felt hubby wisen up in that moment. You see he was always afraid that I would leave him for his friend Joe, he tells me later that now he thinks I would for actor friend..

So the game comes to a close at about 1:30am and hubby goes to bed leaving me to entertain his friends. The rest of them quit cards and resort to xbox while actor friend and I play another. I was teaching him a new game outloud but between sentances we were whispering a plan for later. He wanted to come back and pick me up after we kicked everyone else out. We kept whispering and talking and tempting each other with erotic phrases while every once in a while Joe would look over thinking he heard something besides game instructions… Actor friend finally talked me into seeing him later (Which would mean 4 in the morning) and I agreed. He said he would text me on my cell when he was downstairs. We were both aching for each other at this point so we canned the game and sent everyone home. Not gonna lie I was totally stoked. I touched up my hair, make up, and perfume and sat waiting with my puppy for his text. I knew that this was right. But I asked myself how far I was willing to go with him.. I had only slept with one man, and it would be a huge deal to me to sleep with two. But after the month I had I figured what the hell. I knew I loved actor friend and I wanted it to bad to deprive myself. Anyways all of that was for nothing, the text never came. I went to bed deeply upset.

He called the next day for hubby letting him know what a great time he had and how he wanted to get together soon, I didn’t know if that was a message actually meant for me or if he was really just over the me and him fling..

I fretted about it all weekend, then found out Sunday night that my phone had been cut off a week ago.

DAMN! It was my fault that Friday night didn’t happen. I was releaved in once sence but so peeved in the over. I cant believe I had missed out! Anyways I called actor friend Monday to clear up what had happened… we didn’t say too much, I’m not sure how to read his phone voice yet… but he’s coming over this Friday.. so I’ll let you know what happens..

20T: A night of pleasure for a week of pain: The Accident that Started it All

So as I mentioned previously, I was in a near death experience a few weeks ago. A car accident to be precise, no not drinking and driving as the title may persum but humm perhaps a little background info to get you up to speed.

It had been a crazy week, I had three clients to meet with on my side jobs, I had been over at my parents house twice as my little brother had run away since he was caught smoking pot, and I was planning my hubbys 24th bday on Friday. I had a lot on my plate and my mind was spinning not aware of what else could happen.. His party came and we had a great time, all his friends came over and we had a big bash in the apartment the supers were called at least three times… I invited two girls who I used to work with. Big mistake.. Anyways all my best friends didn’t come. And I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was my last chance to see everyone. As usual the hubbys friends were hitting on me, we all get along as one big group.

Sunday morning came and the pit I had in my tummy, grew to full size. I was sitting in church and realized that this could be my very last day to live. Instantly I panicked, I agree what a weird thought… but that’s all I knew. So I asked myself what I had to do. And the answer wasn’t what.. it was who. .. My hubbys best friend… oh boy I know what you’re thinking… how can I say all these sweet things about my hubby in one minute and then talk about his bestfriend in the next… believe me If I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be writing this blog..

So me and actor bestfriend. We’ve kind of always had a thing.. since me and hubby started dating… there’s always been those suggestive looks and winks, extra long hugs, and silent moments. At my own wedding even… anyways during the winter, one extremely drunk night when my husband left me with his friends… well lets just say we weren’t talking… since then we continue to do this… we’ve only hooked up that one time. A few stolen kisses but that’s it. I know I’m terrible but if I had the choice I would change it, but my heart pulls me towards this guy for unknown reasons..

So there I was, in church, thinking about my husbands bestfriend…

However since I was convinced it was my last day to live, I went with my husbands other bestfriend, (we’ll call him joe) to see actor friend. They wanted me to help them with something. My hubby refused to go (he hates leaving home ever) and so I went alone… later on joe invited us to go to his poetry reading downtown. I was reluctant to go as I knew where this was going to lead.. I knew it was what I had come for but obviously had a strong guard about actually going through with it..

However I was being forced to go with Joe, actor friend was adamantly insisting that my hubby would join us. After three phone calls and a very convincing speech the three of us set off downtown.

As the night went on Joe became aware of something between actor friend and I. We met up with a few other guys but it seemed like joe never took his eyes off us. We finally broke away to go check out the new bathrooms at a newly reno’d bar… needless to say it was a bad idea.. as soon as we were alone we started going at each other, kissing and grabbing.. quite the display.. the night ended when I dropped joe off first (actor friend pretended he was too drunk to drive) Joe was not happy about being dropped off first, even tho it made perfect sence for him to be… it was almost like he knew…

Never the less this was what I came for and we ended up hanging out back at his place until 5 in the morning.. He kept saying, “you’re my baby, at least for tonight”. It felt so right and it was exactly what I wanted to hear, this boy has no idea the kind of effect he has on me…

Anyways I’ll cut to the chase, it was 6am in the morning by the time I got home, it was the official day of my hubbys bday, and he was raging mad. Not that I could blamb him. I was hardly in the mood to speak as I had only an hour before I had to get up for work..

However I slept so soundly in that hour.. only to wake up, call my hubby to have him hang up on me, I leave for work, driving all of 5 mins onto the highway where a mini transport truck decided to cut me off and I slam into the back of him without even hitting my breaks..

When I came too I didn’t know what to think.. I was happy to be alive, although covered in blood, my arms worked, my legs worked, I seemed to be ok. A lady had rushed over and been helping me. She called my hubby for me, who hung up on me again… quite humorous now..

Anyways all in all I ended up down at the hospital with my mother, my hubby came later and I was all ok except my arm.. (I’ve got some tendon damage I find out later) the docs were so surprised that I had survived the accident, and my car was an absolute write off.. no piece could be restored…

So right now you are all prob still judging me about actor friend. But Isn’t it weird how I had this feeling about dying and almost did?